Brea Baker is a writer, organizer and author of Rooted: The American Legacy of Land Theft & The Modern Movement for Black Land Ownership. In her opinion column for Unbothered, she shares perspectives on the current U.S. presidential race.

Nearly 50,000 people packed into Chicago’s United Center for the 2024 Democratic National Convention. The words “our fight for reproductive freedom” were splashed across the biggest screen on the main stage. In front of the block lettering, a Black woman named Kaitlyn Joshua stood and told the story of how abortion bans left her bleeding out and fighting for her life eleven weeks into her pregnancy. While preparing for her two-year-old’s birthday party, Joshua began to miscarry but doctors at two emergency rooms turned her away because of statewide bans. “No woman should experience what I endured,” she said on the first night of the Convention, “but too many have.” Kaitlyn Joshua was joined by other women from Texas and Kentucky who shared their personal experiences not being able to access healthcare, both before and after the repeal of Roe v. Wade Supreme Court decision. The message from the evening was clear: abortion access is on the ballot and the time for true reproductive justice is now. 

If you’ve been following the DNC on social media, Joshua’s speech may not have come across your timelines. Celebrity cameos, memes, and Michelle Obama soundbites have been dominating the discourse. But reproductive rights need to be at the center of the Democrats’ platform and activists are fighting to make sure no one is left behind. That means fighting for the young woman who needs an affordable and safe abortion, the transgender man who is starting a family, the couple struggling with fertility, the non-binary person seeking gender-affirming healthcare, the sexual assault survivor who deserves agency over their body, the mother who can’t afford another, the migrating parents and their children separated at the border, intergenerational Palestinian families, and everyone in between. 

Renee Bracey Sherman is a reproductive justice activist and co-author of the forthcoming book Liberating Abortion: Claiming Our History, Sharing Our Stories, and Building the Reproductive Future We Deserve who remembers a time not so long ago when things looked very different. Ahead of the 2016 Presidential election, Bracey Sherman led the #AskAboutAbortion campaign because moderators at Democratic primary debates refused to even bring up abortion access or wrestle with policy commitments. “I feel so glad to see that that ideology has shifted,” Bracey Sherman said of her time in Chicago this past week. “There were abortion storytellers — including abortion storytellers of color — taking the stage, sharing their stories, and getting rousing applause from the audience. That was something that we’ve been told couldn’t be done.”

The Convention week kicked off with several panels and events hosted by My Body PAC, the first Black woman founded political action committee centered around reproductive justice. My Body PAC’s mission is to invest in down-ballot races and mobilize young voters to support the local fight for bodily autonomy and that work made quite the splash at this week’s Democratic National Convention. They hosted a series of activations to remind the Democratic base that this is a choice election and the future of reproductive justice is in our hands. “Black women historically have not had access to the capital and access needed to lead this conversation,” noted My Body PAC founder Ericka Claudio. “On day one of the DNC, it was important that we center Black women candidates up and down the ballot and Black women’s experiences.”

The first of My Body PAC’s events, all located at the DNC’s Democracy House, was a ‘Brunch for Choice’ panel event. Artist and activist Favianna Rodriguez moderated a conversation with Tennessee State Senators London Lamar and Charlane Oliver. An abortion ban called “Tennessee’s Life Protection Act” has restricted abortions statewide with only a handful of exceptions. Both Lamar and Oliver shared their abortion and miscarriage stories in a moment of vulnerability that gave way to a larger discussion on the fight for bodily autonomy. The panel provided a chance to dig into the impact and ramifications of legislation like this and just how urgent it is that we offer women and gender marginalized people better options than our current status quo. 

During the brunch, My Body PAC also unveiled their first slate of states they’ll be investing in — including Pennsylvania, Michigan, Georgia, Texas, and Arizona — highlighting candidates in these areas committed to advancing reproductive justice and protecting bodily autonomy. “It’s really important to be empowering our state and local leaders with this issue because the Supreme Court has made their decision on this issue,” said Claudio. “This is a local fight and democracy is won at a local level.” A late night after party that evening served as both a fundraiser and an unapologetic space for young people to celebrate their bodies in a Convention mood that tends to lean more formal. Unbridled joy was central, mirroring the playful tone that My Body PAC leans into when talking about abortion and electoral politics. This is serious work and that doesn’t mean we should surrender to a doomsday mindset or Handmaid’s Tale comparisons. “We need more investments in longterm cultural engagement and bringing people closer to this issue,” Claudio reflected. 

Protest art and quippy slogans have consumed Chicago including a popular one: “Roe Roe Roe Your Vote” in reference to Roe v. Wade which was repealed in 2022. The phrase is catchy but focused on what was without a clear path to what can be unburdened by what has been, as Kamala Harris famously retorts. “The conversation about abortion at the DNC is still centered on what the Republicans are doing rather than what Democrats are offering,” says Renee Bracey Sherman about some of the shirts and posters she’s seen. “The conversation is still a decade behind where we need it to be and I think the American public is ready for a visionary conversation about abortion.”

At a DNC event hosted by Family Values @ Work Action, elected officials, convention delegates, and national activists emphasized the need for a culture of care for parents, children, disabled people, and other currently neglected communities. “We all deserve the ability to care for ourselves and our loved ones without risking our livelihood,” said Cherita Ellens, President and CEO of Women Employed. “But across the country, too many of us — especially low-paid women and women of color — don’t have that basic right.” Monifa Bandele, Senior Vice President and Chief Strategy Officer of MomsRising Action, said, “The United States is one of the only nations in the world without a national standard for paid family and medical leave, has one of the highest rates of maternal mortality, and is seeing that number rise. If women can’t care for themselves and receive the recovery time they need, it puts them in danger, and it puts their families in danger of losing them.”

People have abortion access top of mind but Bracey Sherman reminds us that at the end of the day reproductive justice includes a wide range of issues like earning enough to be able to raise your family, quality and affordable housing, healthy food, preventative healthcare, and more. Bracey Sherman wants to see Democrats champion reproductive justice — the framework, not the buzzword. Abortion is still discussed in silos when it should be tied to other mainstream issues like the economy and healthcare. On top of that, abortion and family planning care has remained inaccessible to most who need it even before 2023. Despite thinly veiled federal protections, statewide restrictions and limited availability across the South and Midwest ensure that working class people of color are less likely to obtain the healthcare they deserve. “Roe was the bare minimum. Roe was broken,” Bracey Sherman continued. “You’re saying let’s go back to the bare minimum and that’s not inspiring to me.” 

Access to abortion and the ability to raise children in safe and healthy communities should not be at jeopardy every four years. We need and deserve a real plan forward to not only codify abortion access but to invest in the infrastructure and frontline workers needed to make family planning readily available to all who need it. Renee Bracey Sherman wants people of all ages and backgrounds to wonder aloud what could be possible if we had more robust reproductive justice conversations ten years ago. “Where would we be?” We can’t go back in time but there’s always time to course correct. Where can we be in November of this year, January of next year, and several years down the line?

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Something strange has been happening to my lips. While I tend to go heavy on the lip care in colder months, they normally require minimal maintenance in the summer, thanks to the increased humidity in warmer air. This year, however, I’ve noticed the complete opposite. My lips have been feeling extra raw and dehydrated, with bits of skin peeling off like fish scales. Slathering on my go-to hydrating lip balm hasn’t helped one bit.

I attributed my lip troubles to recovering from a nasty flu at the beginning of summer but it didn’t seem to explain this prolonged period of dryness. It wasn’t until I spoke to a dermatologist that I got an a-ha moment: My cracked lips might have something to do with sun damage.

Despite diligently wearing sunscreen daily (on my face and body and reapplying every two hours), I’ll be the first to admit that I often forget SPF protection on my lips. Many SPF lip balms have a weird, unctuous texture that doesn’t sit nicely under my favorite lip stains and glosses, while plenty taste bitter. Regardless, skipping SPF on your lips might not be the best idea: “The skin on your lips differs from that of the rest of your body,” explains consultant dermatologist Dr Derrick Phillips. “It’s thin, sensitive and prone to loss of moisture. Your lips are also constantly exposed to UV radiation from the sun, which over time causes further thinning, redness, pigmentation and increases the risk of developing skin cancer.”

Put simply, burnt lips are just as common as burnt shoulders. But the aftermath might look a little different. With that in mind, I asked dermatologists and skin experts to give me the lowdown on the warning signs, as well as the products that can help protect, soothe and repair sun-damaged lips — this summer and beyond.

What is the cause of sunburned lips and what are the signs to look out for?

There are a few telltale signs of sunburned lips. According to Dr Anjali Mahto, consultant dermatologist and founder of Self London, sun-damaged lips often appear dry, rough and scaly. The skin may show discoloration, ranging from a white, pale appearance to darkened or uneven patches. Fine lines or deep cracks can develop, making the lips feel sore or sensitive, and there might be persistent swelling and redness.

These signs might be more prominent on the lower lip, since it’s more exposed to the sun. “In more severe cases, you might notice a condition known as actinic cheilitis [a precancerous condition also known as ‘sailor’s lip’], characterized by thickened, scaly patches or even a slightly raised, rough texture,” adds Dr Mahto. This can be a precursor to more serious conditions. For example, melanoma — a type of cancer that can spread to other areas of the body — can be triggered on the border of your lips.

Are there certain ingredients that people with sunburned lips should avoid?

If your lips are sunburned, using an SPF lip balm to prevent further UV damage is key. SPF 30 or higher is ideal, though higher SPF formulations can affect the texture, feel and appearance of the lip product, making it thicker or less comfortable to wear.

Dr Mahto recommends avoiding products containing ingredients like menthol, camphor or salicylic acid, as they can be drying or irritating. Fragrances and certain chemical UV filters, such as oxybenzone, may also cause irritation in some people. “If you have sensitive lips, look for lip sunscreens with moisturizing ingredients like beeswax, shea butter or natural oils,” she adds. “Physical UV blockers such as zinc oxide or titanium dioxide, which are less likely to cause irritation and offer broad-spectrum protection, are also a good choice.” Mahto swears by Paula’s Choice Lipscreen SPF 50, $13, as well as Ultrasun Ultralip SPF 30, $19.

The best products to help repair sunburned lips

When you have sunburned lips, soothing and repairing products are essential. Advanced skin nurse practitioner Emma Wedgwood recommends looking for products that contain humectants (which draw moisture into the skin) and emollients (which lock in moisture) like lanolin, hyaluronic acid and glycerin. These will replenish the hydration levels of your skin barrier, the outermost layer of your skin.

I asked skincare experts to share the best lip balms, sleeping masks and serums to help alleviate damage caused by UV exposure — and here’s everything they chose.

CeraVe Healing Ointment, $9.99

“This is a top choice for managing sunburned lips. The ointment contains hyaluronic acid, which is a deeply hydrating ingredient, and three essential ceramides to repair and restore the skin barrier. In addition, the presence of petrolatum provides a protective seal, locking in moisture and allowing the lips to heal.” — Dr Derrick Phillips, consultant dermatologist

Shop Dermstore

Eucerin Aquaphor Healing Ointment, $18.37

“This is a versatile, fragrance-free ointment that provides deep hydration and forms a protective barrier to lock in moisture. It’s especially beneficial for sunburned lips because it contains petrolatum, which helps to seal in moisture and prevent further drying. The addition of glycerin [which draws moisture to the skin] and vitamin B5 [which helps the skin retain moisture] aids in skin repair and soothes irritation, promoting faster healing of the damaged skin.” — Dr Anjali Mahto, consultant dermatologist and founder of Self London

Shop Amazon

Chanel Hydra Beauty Micro Sérum, $60

“When my chapped lips were at their worst, I relied on this lip serum to smooth over the cracks and alleviate irritation. It contains micro droplets of white camellia extract, which calms and moisturizes the skin without greasiness, and hyaluronic acid — my go-to ingredient for reducing moisture loss. I love how the product applies like a lip jelly and transforms into a more serum-oil hybrid texture after a few minutes. It absorbs into my lips so quickly, and is so effective at reducing flakiness. I often use this as a base before I apply my favorite lip color.” — Venus Wong, senior writer

Shop Chanel

Laneige Lip Sleeping Mask, $24

“This popular overnight treatment is known for its deeply moisturizing properties, making it perfect for sunburned lips. It contains hyaluronic acid and a mix of grape, pomegranate and raspberry juices rich in antioxidants, which help to soothe and repair the lips while you sleep. The mask’s thick consistency ensures that it stays on the lips all night, providing long-lasting hydration.” — Emma Wedgwood, advanced skin nurse practitioner and founder of Emma Wedgwood Aesthetics

Shop Sephora

Aveeno 1% Hydrocortisone Anti-Itch Cream, $10.88

“Hydrocortisone is a mild steroid with anti-inflammatory properties that should be applied twice a day for the first 48 hours. It will reduce redness, swelling and discomfort, and hasten recovery.” — Dr Derrick Phillips, consultant dermatologist

Editor’s note: While this is a weaker 1% steroid suitable for areas with thinner skin such as lips, it is always recommended to consult a skincare professional or dermatologist before you go ahead and buy.

Shop Amazon

The Ordinary Squalane + Amino Acids Lip Balm, $9.50

“This lip balm is like no other I’ve tried. The texture is silky, not sticky, so it sinks into parched lips fast. The star ingredients are squalane, which creates a barrier on the skin to prevent further moisture loss, as well as amino acids. These are the ‘building blocks’ of proteins, which are important for creating the likes of collagen and elastin — two things that keep skin soft and supple. I apply one layer and massage it in with my fingers, then apply a second layer and let it sit there, protecting my lips from the elements.” — Jacqueline Kilikita, Refinery29 deputy beauty director

Shop The Ordinary

Burt’s Bees Overnight Intensive Lip Treatment, $9.99 $7.19

“This treatment is another great option for sunburned lips. It contains ceramides, which help to restore the lips’ natural barrier, and it’s infused with natural oils like jojoba and shea butter for deep moisturization. [It’s] a solid choice for those with sensitive or damaged lips.” — Emma Wedgwood, advanced skin nurse practitioner and founder of Emma Wedgwood Aesthetics

Shop Amazon

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Welcome to Money Diaries where we are tackling the ever-present taboo that is money. We’re asking real people how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we’re tracking every last dollar.

This week: a teacher who makes $81,000 per year and spends some of her money this week on heirloom tomatoes.

If you’d like to submit your own Money Diary, you can do so via our online form. We pay $150 for each published diary. Apologies but we’re not able to reply to every email.

Occupation: Teacher
Industry: Education
Age: 29
Location: Tri-Cities, WA
Salary: $81,000
Assets: I have a HYSA where I am saving for a house. I opened this account in February 2024 and it currently has $8,172.68 in it.
Debt: $76,160. I owe $58,000 in student loans for my undergrad and graduate degrees. I’m hoping loan forgiveness will be possible for me in the next few years (I just finished my sixth year in teaching). I have a personal loan with a balance of $9,745.78 and a loan against the equity in my car with a balance of $8,414.24. I took out these loans in January 2024 to pay off the last three credit cards I had and to help me save money on interest.
Paycheck amount (monthly): $5,000
Pronouns: She/her

Monthly Expenses

Housing costs: $545. I live with my sister, E., her boyfriend, A., and my two nephews. This amount covers rent, utilities, internet and Spectrum TV.
Student loans: $101.52
Personal loan: $251
Car equity loan: $400 (I’m snowballing this loan to pay it off faster).
“Allowance:” $1,500. When I get paid at the end of the month, I deposit $1,500 into my checking account and that money sits there until I pay off my Chase Sapphire card on the 26th of each month. If I have any money left over, it stays in that account and becomes buffer money for the following months. For example, at the end of June I deposited the normal $1,500 but there was already about $435 in there from earlier in the year so if something came up, I could use that money.
Car insurance: $86.32
Storage unit: $152 (I used to have my own fully furnished place but I moved back in with my sister to save money so all my stuff is stored).
Cell phone: $84
Hulu & Netflix: $37
Gym: $30
Apple storage: $2
Car wash subscription: $40
HYSA: $1,400-$1,600 (depending on how many extra hours I work in the month).

Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
There was not necessarily an expectation as no one in my family had ever gone before but I was always very academically motivated and my mom supported me. When, as a senior, I wavered in my college mindset my mom supported me but did tell me that if I didn’t go to school I would need to get a job and help out with bills, which seemed fair. I ultimately did opt to go to a four-year university and got my first year covered entirely with scholarships and grants. I had to get loans for my remaining three years. Three years later, I needed my master’s in teaching so I paid for that with loans as well. When both my sister and I went to university and grad school, my parents were not in a position financially to help us and I never let on to my mom when/if I struggled. My parents are now in a much better place financially and have expressed a desire to give us money to pay off the loans. As we are teachers, we want to see if loan forgiveness is an option for us so we are waiting until then to accept their offer if we still have a balance.

Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s)/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
I overheard and had lots of conversations about money, primarily because we didn’t have it, but not until I was older. I grew up knowing that we didn’t have much money (not having coats or proper shoes in winter came up a few times) — my mom was a single mom of three kids — but we also had our own home so I didn’t think it was that bad. We always had food and A/C so it took me a while to realize that my mom was strategically overdrafting her accounts to cover the mortgage or electric bill (because the overdraft fee was less than the late/shut-off fees). Once my mom met my stepdad, things got a little better. I do not feel like I was educated on finances at all.

What was your first job and why did you get it?
My first job was at Baskin Robbins my senior year of high school. I got the job because I wanted to have spending money and to save for a car. My boss let me stay on when I moved away for school and I would work on all my breaks from school up until my senior year of college. I did have unofficial jobs while I was a kid — picking fruit in the fields and working at taco stands at our local flea market — but I was paid very little, in cash, and that was all spending money for me.

Did you worry about money growing up?
Honestly, no. Again, my mom didn’t let on how precarious our situation was. She thought she might lose our house once and when she told us about it, she framed it as an exciting opportunity for us to live with our cousins at our aunt’s house so although we were bummed to leave our house, we were excited. She ended up finding a solution so that never happened but it was touch-and-go for a while. My mom’s brothers have always supported us, too, and there were a couple times my uncles would take us clothes shopping but I thought that was a treat, I never realized it was because my mom couldn’t. When I turned 15, my family pooled the money for my quinceañera and that’s when I realized money was tight, but by that time my mom had married my stepdad and we were not struggling as much.

Do you worry about money now?
Yes and no. I worry that I waited too long to get serious about owning a home and that I will have a hard time finding a house when I am ready to buy. Otherwise no, not really. I am really fortunate to count on support from my family and to have a really stable job with strong union protection. I know that if there is anything fun that my nephews (3 and 4 months) or my little sisters (16 and 11) want, I can cover it, and I can afford the things I need and want (within reason).

At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
I became financially responsible for myself at 18 when I went away to school. I got a work-study job and took over paying my cell phone bill and anything else I needed. Every now and then my parents, brother and uncle would send me money but it wasn’t something I counted on. I know that if I REALLY needed financial help, my parents and my uncles would help me, but that would be a last resort.

Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
No.

Day One

5:15 a.m. — Good morning! Even though it’s summer break and I am not working right now, today I am up early because I start my STEM Institute course. I love summer break but I also love a routine and after four weeks off I am ready to not lie around all day. I’m up way too early but I want to make sure I have plenty of time since I’ve never been to the campus before and I’m worried I’ll get lost. I do the Daily Tens and scroll for a little while to ease into my morning.

6:10 a.m. — I straighten my hair, take my morning meds and then turn on Sex and the City while I do my makeup. Since I don’t need to be on campus until 9 a.m., I take my time and actually watch the show (normally I just listen). Afterwards I pack the lunch I made last night, plus some snacks, and make sure I have everything I need in my backpack. I warm up two Jimmy Dean croissant, egg white and turkey sausage sandwiches for breakfast and eat while I watch more TV and review the campus map.

7:30 a.m. — I change into my business-casual outfit. My sister did this institute last summer and told me the dress code isn’t enforced but I don’t want to risk it on day one. I got new slacks that are stretchy and have no button or zipper and they are amazing! I make a mental note to order another pair next month because these are going to be my go-to pants for work. Once I’m dressed, it’s still too early to leave so I color for a while.

8:20 a.m. — I drive to the laboratory campus. It’s about a 20-minute drive and then I have to find the specific building I need to get to. It ends up being pretty easy and I was nervous for nothing. I get badged and then meet up with our institute facilitators. One of them was my professor on my master’s program four years ago and it’s nice to catch up. The morning session is made up of a campus tour (got ALL my steps in for the day) and an overview of the institute, as well as how they are going to pay us. We also get goody bags!

12 p.m. — Lunchtime! There is a summer market on campus today with vendors and food trucks but I stay and eat my packed lunch. I have some cod, asparagus and chickpea veggie salad with a raspberry rose Poppi. I save my snacks for the afternoon session because I know I’ll get sleepy.

3:15 p.m. — Time to go home — day one went well! Once I get home I change into sweats and a T-shirt, start a load of laundry, then hang out in the living room with my sister and two nephews.

5:30 p.m. — My brother-in-law comes home with dinner. His job is hosting a conference this week and he gets to bring leftovers home. Today he brought tamales, rice, beans and salsas. We eat and catch up on our days while a baseball game plays in the background.

6:30 p.m. — Shower and change into clean PJs.

8:30 p.m. — We have a doughnut for dessert and then I head to my room to either read or watch TV in bed.

11 p.m. — I wake up and realize I did neither and just fell asleep with the light on. I switch off the light and promptly fall asleep again.

Daily Total: $0

Day Two

5:45 a.m. — I let myself sleep a little later today since I had so much free time yesterday. I do my usual morning routine and watch TV. And of course do the Daily Tens.

7:45 a.m. — I warm up two breakfast sandwiches and eat while watching TV. I am tempted to get coffee on my way but I am really trying to save up for a house and I know little things add up so I make myself a hot coffee to take with me (I also have a fun weekend coming up so…lol). I make and pack my lunch and then head out.

12 p.m. — Lunchtime! We had a small tour of one of the labs on campus this morning, which was really cool but not as much walking as yesterday. For lunch I have some tuna salad in a wrap, a nectarine, a piña colada yogurt drink and a banana.

3:30 p.m. — Once I get home I change into gym clothes and dump my clean laundry from yesterday on my bed so I’ll be forced to put it away. I take a break but eventually drive to the gym and walk on the treadmill for 50 minutes.

5:25 p.m. — Back from the gym, I start on dinner and lunch for tomorrow. For dinner I cook up some asparagus I need to use before it goes bad and some Annie’s white cheddar mac and cheese. I know I’m going to be hungry later but this is what sounds good. I hang out with my sister and nephews while we eat; afterwards I wash all the dishes and then go shower.

8:30 p.m. — After my shower I read a couple chapters of my book and then have a bowl of Fruity Pebbles because I did in fact get hungry. I begrudgingly put away my laundry and I’m in bed by 10:30 p.m.

Daily Total: $0

Day Three

6:15 a.m. — I let myself sleep in because I really didn’t need to get up so early the last couple of days. I do my normal morning routine, get dressed and eat my breakfast sandwich. My sister made me oatmeal today and put it in my to-go mug so I take it with me when I leave at 8:30 a.m.

12 p.m. — Lunch today is the fish, quinoa and asparagus I made last night. I also have a jello parfait cup. It’s day two of my period — aka the day my cramps are the worst — and they’re making me nauseous. I eat all my jello but only a few bites of lunch. All my snacks make it back home since I have no appetite.

3:30 p.m. — When I get home I take some Tylenol and lie down to see if my cramps will subside. After a while they do and I can feel that I’m hungry.

5:05 p.m. — I change my clothes and drive to one of my favorite food places in town to meet a couple of my friends for trivia. This place has trivia each week and a bunch of different food trucks every day. We arrive early to grab a table and I get a corn dog drizzled with honey and a Coke. $10.32

6:55 p.m. — We get an intermission and I go check out the ice cream truck. I get a waffle cone with a scoop of strawberry and pistachio. $7.60

7:45 p.m. — We didn’t come in last! We actually got all the points in the final round but we hadn’t done that well in the beginning. I stop at a sushi truck I’ve been eyeing and order two rolls to take home. $28.70

8:15 p.m. — On the way home I stop at Target super quick to restock on deodorant. $15.75

8:35 p.m. — When I get home I have half of each roll and save the rest for lunch tomorrow. It is so good! Definitely going to have to try more rolls if we go back next week. I chat with my family for a bit and then shower and just hang out the rest of the night.

Daily Total: $62.37

Day Four

6:45 a.m. — I sleep in today because it’s a WFH half-day. I wake up slowly, fix my hair a little, brush my teeth and wash my face, then find some breakfast. I make coffee, warm up my last breakfast sandwich and grab a doughnut with sprinkles from the fresh box my brother-in-law left on the table. I eat and color until it’s time to join the Zoom at 8 a.m.

12 p.m. — Done with work for the day. I move to the kitchen table to finish up my asynchronous assignments for the week and to eat my leftover sushi.

1:30 p.m. — I finish my assignments and read my book for a while. Around 3:30 p.m. I lie down and nap for about an hour and a half and when I wake up I read some more.

7 p.m. — I’m finally hungry for dinner so I get up and make myself an egg scramble with lots of onion and tomatoes, one of my favorite simple dinners. After I eat, I hang out in the living room with my sister and nephews while we watch the Dodgers game. My brother sends me an invite to play Monopoly Go! and I quickly get engrossed in the game.

10:30 p.m. — My brother-in-law worked late but he’s home now and takes the baby to bed so my sister and I play a quick game of Yahtzee before bed. I lose by 10 points! Afterwards I shower and stay up to finish my book. I switch off the lights around 12:30 a.m.

Daily Total: $0

Day Five

7:30 a.m. — Good morning! I get up right before my alarm and quickly do the Daily Tens (8/10!). I do my normal morning routine and change into stretchy pants, a big T-shirt and my New Balance sneakers. I’m going to the farmers’ market this morning and taking my nephew with me. While my sister and BIL get him dressed and ready, I fill up his water bottle, add some sweet tea Mio drops into it and grab him a Little Bites pack.

9 a.m. — We pick up my mom, brother and little sister on the way. We walk the market twice before I decide what to get. I settle on three heirloom tomatoes from one stand, which were the only things I was actually looking for ($3), and a loaf of raisin walnut bread and some jalapeño bagels from another stand ($13.90). $16.90

10 a.m. — Back at my mom’s house we toast some of the raisin walnut bread and have it with butter — it’s delicious! I play more Monopoly Go! while I wait for my other (and last) sister to be ready.

10:30 a.m. — My nephew, mom, two little sisters and I load up and drive to my favorite movie theater. They are showing The Lion King to celebrate the film’s 30th anniversary and my nephew is finally old enough to sit through a movie. I get the tickets and my mom pays for the snacks. $58.75

12:45 p.m. — After the movie I drop off my mom and sisters at home and I drive through the car wash. It’s free today because I have the monthly subscription.

3 p.m. — My nephew wants BBQ wings for lunch and I really can’t say no to him. I’m also feeling hungry since I haven’t had a real meal yet today so I order two all-in bundles from Wingstop. With all the wings and tenders, all four of us (me, nephew, sister and BIL) eat comfortably and we have tons of leftovers. $50.07

4 p.m. — For the rest of the afternoon I hang out and start a new book. My little sister comes over to swim in the pool with my nephew. I try to sit outside with them but it’s 105 degrees out so I retreat to the A/C.

9 p.m. — We’re hungry for a late dinner so I warm up the leftover wings and my BIL orders a couple pizzas. One of the pizzas shows up wrong so Pizza Hut sends us the correct one, too. We have TONS of leftovers, yay. After dinner I set my little sister up in my room because she’s going to spend the night, then I shower. When I come out of the shower she’s fast asleep so I try to keep quiet and just read my book. I fall asleep just before midnight.

Daily Total: $125.72

Day Six

8 a.m. — Good morning! I wake up excited because I’m getting brunch with my friends today. At one point we were all on the same team at the same school so we had planning and lunch together every day. Now we’re all spread apart and don’t get to see each other as often. I do my normal morning routine, change into a cuter-than-usual outfit and then get my little sister ready to go home (my BIL will drop her off at my mom’s place).

10:35 a.m. — My sister and I head to brunch and meet up with our friends. Since we don’t get together super often this is definitely a splurge meal. I order a veggie scramble with steak, two espresso martinis and a mimosa flight. We have so much fun catching up. I read the A Court of Thorns and Roses series three years ago and I finally got them all to read it this summer so we swap thoughts and theories. One of our favorite servers is the one helping us out so I tip a little more than I normally would. $102.40

2:30 p.m. — We’re not ready to stop hanging out yet so my friend S. who hasn’t been drinking drives us down the street to one of our favorite bars. I stopped drinking a couple hours ago at this point but I feel tipsy so I stick to water here.

5:30 p.m. — My friends are ready to go to another bar but I am tired and bow out. I get dropped off at my car and I drive home. I eat a few slices of the leftover pizza, make myself a liquid IV and pop a couple Tylenol since I feel a headache coming on. I’m really too old to be day drinking. I spend the rest of the evening hanging out in bed, watching SATC. I fall asleep by 10 p.m.

Daily Total: $102.40

Day Seven

7:30 a.m. — I wake up and feel pretty okay! I toast some of the bread I got at the farmers’ market and have it with some jam. While I eat I place a Walmart pickup order for some groceries for the week. I get spaghetti noodles and two bottles of sauce, white bread, eggs, lactose-free milk, bananas, a watermelon, beef chorizo, instant coffee, frozen breakfast sandwiches, heavy cream, shredded Italian blend cheese, a bag of potatoes, a bag of green salad and some whipped cream cheese. $67.07

11 a.m. — My sister is going to make breakfast so I take the baby and put him to sleep. After my sister eats she takes the baby and I have a bowl with the potatoes, salsa and eggs she made. Afterwards I retreat to my bed and watch Scream.

2:20 p.m. — My order is ready for pickup so I drive over to Walmart. Since I’m already out I stop at Jamba on the way home and get a medium Apple ’N Greens smoothie and a Belgian waffle. $13.26

2:50 p.m. — Back at home I unload the groceries and put them away, throw out some garbage, then get back in bed with my smoothie. I watch the new episode of House of the Dragon I missed yesterday.

4:30 p.m. — I emerge from my cave to share thoughts on the episode with my sister and BIL and I play with my nephew while my sister makes dinner. She makes udon noodles with chicken and broccoli, delicious! After dinner I take a shower and then read for a while. I get to bed early since it’s back to my STEM Institute tomorrow.

Daily Total: $80.33

The Breakdown

Money Diaries are meant to reflect an individual’s experience and do not necessarily reflect Refinery29’s point of view. Refinery29 in no way encourages illegal activity or harmful behavior.

The first step to getting your financial life in order is tracking what you spend — to try on your own, check out our guide to managing your money every day. For more Money Diaries, click here.

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When my seven-year relationship ended recently, there were certain rites of passage that I’d anticipated: a renewed interest in fitness, dissecting depressing Hinge profiles, and going on even more depressing Hinge dates, posting thinly veiled thirst trap photo dumps on Instagram that I’d later delete, writing unhinged entries in my Notes app that read like comedy. “It flares up like a virus or a storm — the feeling of missing you,” reads one particularly dramatic note. “I am a confused individual,” starts another. Needless to say, Dolly Alderton doesn’t have to worry about me coming for her genre.

One thing I wasn’t prepared for, though, was the avalanche of breakup content that would come my way. In the weeks and months following the split, I would fall down a rabbit hole of relationship coaches, breakup influencers and manifestation gurus providing instruction on how to “use no contact to win back an ex,” “heal your attachment style,” and “tap into divine feminine energy”. I had become stuck in an algorithmic prison of my own making.

“The wild west of online pseudo-psychotherapy” is how Dr. Gery Karantzas describes this digital landscape. Dr Karantzas is a researcher and couples therapist who currently heads up the Science of Adult Relationships Laboratory at Australia’s Deakin University. One obvious drawback of sharing relationship advice via a TikTok or Instagram reel, he says, is the brevity of the format.

“The ability to understand all of the complexities of human behavior that can play out in why people feel what they do is reduced to some really simple ideas and tips that often don’t have much evidence that they work.” He’s referring to concepts like love languages, which he’s debunked elsewhere, but it’s also common to see everything from narcissistic personality disorder to childhood conditioning wrapped up in a 60-second TikTok.

Georgia Grace (aka @gspot._) agrees we should be wary of oversimplification on these platforms. “Often people are breaking down really complex areas into bite-sized pieces,” she says. “If people aren’t able to look at it as a snapshot, or a few quick ideas — and not necessarily an in-depth look into their very intimate and individual experience — they may be taking it verbatim without adding any kind of critical thought to it.”

Grace is an educator and certified sex coach who specializes in somatic sexology, embodied counseling (therapeutic approaches that focus on the body) and trauma-informed practices. As a practitioner who works to break down taboos, she is acutely aware of the importance of having access to information online. “The more we see it, and the more open people are about sex and sexuality and pleasure and relationships and bodies and mental health, the more normal it becomes,” she stresses.

The value of being able to tap into a community of people with shared experiences cannot be understated. For Lisa Scarborough, a 38-year-old woman from Sydney, online forums provided a safe space to seek advice after an abusive relationship ended. “Reddit forums, perhaps due to the anonymity of it all, made me feel supported in a big way as I wasn’t ready to divulge certain things with friends and family at certain points in time,” she tells Refinery29.

Online advice can also be beneficial for people who face financial or geographical barriers to accessing therapy, or who simply don’t feel they need it. “Not everyone wants individual therapy after a breakup, some people also aren’t ready,” Grace says. “Sometimes there are a few steps before that, that will help people get the individual support that they need.”

In the olden days, we used to rely on friends to prevent us from sending novella-length texts to our exes; now we have an army of online supporters to remind us of our self-worth. In moments of weakness, these practitioners can help us see the bigger picture and prioritize our post-relationship healing. After my breakup, Jillian Turecki became a voice of reason, offering direct advice from behind a pair of chic oversized spectacles.

“It’s not your job to try to convince someone to be different and it’s not your job to convince someone of your value and of your worth,” she asserts in a pinned Instagram post. The words hit hard, nudging me to accept that the fear of the unknown is better than staying in a relationship that isn’t working. Helpful thoughts like this are a big deal when you’re one bad day away from backsliding into your ex’s DMs. (Fun fact: Research has found similarities between brain activity after a breakup and during drug withdrawal, which is why resisting the urge to slip into old patterns can be so difficult.)

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A post shared by Jillian Turecki (@jillianturecki)

“I get a lot of messages saying ‘Because of you, I got over the worst heartbreak of my life’ or ‘Because of you, I finally walked away from a toxic situation and now I’m working on myself,’” Turecki tells Refinery29. The relationship coach, podcaster, writer and educator has built a career (and a significant following) on teachings that promote self-esteem and healthy relationship dynamics. In a nutshell, she wants “people to feel as though it’s better to be single than it is to be in the wrong relationship.” Her upcoming book, It Begins with You: The 9 Hard Truths About Love That Will Change Your Life, is a deep dive into this self-improvement approach to love.

The rising popularity of creators like Turecki is part of a wider social shift that’s seen psychological theory move into the mainstream: Therapy has entered the chat. We’re living in the digital era of self-help, only now it’s less “men are from Mars, women are from Venus” and more “what’s your attachment style?” and “please respect my boundaries.” In theory, our increased self-awareness around these concepts is a good thing but therapy speech can easily be weaponized.

“Just because someone can speak a bunch of therapy speech doesn’t actually mean that they are any more qualified to be in a healthy relationship than someone else,” Turecki says.

In her sessions with couples, Grace is also “noticing a lot of people saying they’re anxious or they’re avoidant, or they’re disorganized in their attachment style.” The flipside of this proclivity to self-diagnose is that we’re also quicker to diagnose others. “It can be very easy to put a label on someone else and blame them without getting into the nuances of what’s going on,” says Grace. And this is where things can start to go awry after a breakup.

When you’re focused on diagnosing an ex or seeking answers for why the relationship ended, it’s easy to lose sight of the legitimacy of the advice you’re absorbing and whether it’s actually helping you.

After a recent breakup, 29-year-old Londoner Miguel Urbina Tan went deep into breakup TikTok. The more he engaged with this content, the more his feed filled up with clips about attachment styles and astrological compatibility.

“A lot of the content was very much feeding into this whole ideology that you were the best thing that ever happened to them and they didn’t know that. And, you know, they’re never going to get better than you,” he recalls. “At first I was like, ‘Oh, that’s a really nice sentiment.’ But if you keep going down that rabbit hole, you’re eventually not going to be able to discern [between] delusional content that feeds the ego [and] content that actually helps with the healing.”

As with anything you see online, it’s important to think critically about what you’re consuming. Check the credentials of the practitioners you follow: What formal training or qualifications do they have? And remember that just because someone says they’re an expert, it doesn’t mean that the ideas they’re sharing are backed by evidence.

There are also conflicts of interest to consider. Breakup content is hugely popular and some creators are looking to cash in on your vulnerability. If you spend enough time lurking in this corner of the internet (guilty!), you’ll eventually come across breakup bros offering personalized services to help you win back your ex. You can even purchase a “text your ex back guide” for US$27 from this guy to access “video trainings teaching the psychology of why your ex may reach out and how to handle each possibility”.

I know what you’re thinking: Of course I can recognize the difference between a legitimate expert and an expert who’s wearing a fedora in their profile pic! But have you stopped to consider that the very act of scrolling through relationship content might be fuelling your anxiety?

“It’s really easy to get into that kind of perpetual motion where we’re seeing everything through this one track, this one lens, and so we keep being fed the same information, which reinforces the track that we’re actually trying to get out of,” Dr Karantzas warns. Ironically, this is a very accurate description of how social media algorithms work. 

“The apps are designed to keep us addicted and to keep us online,” Grace says. As an experiment, she suggests observing how you feel before, during and after you look at your phone, and setting some strong boundaries with your apps. This might mean physically limiting the time you spend on your device or muting and unfollowing specific accounts. 

As helpful as online advice can be, Grace emphasizes that it can’t replace individual therapy. This is due in part to something called co-regulation. “Co-regulation is the things that we do with other people to feel safe and grounded and co-regulated, and in therapy that’s what we do a lot,” she explains. “As social beings it’s undeniable: the impact that being in a room with others who really care for you, who see you, who want to support you — how healing that is for the individual.”

Friends can also help us co-regulate by offering an empathetic (yet realistic) ear. Dr Karantzas recommends reaching out to “stronger, wiser others” — you and I might refer to them as “the gals” — for perspective on your situation. Having access to a solid support network can be life-giving after a breakup but so can really simple things like journaling, spending time in nature and reclaiming small daily rituals like your morning coffee (none of which requires a phone).

“There’s many different paths to healing,” Turecki advises. “If you’re following someone and it’s helping you, that’s huge.” There’s no one-size-fits-all way to recover from heartbreak — ultimately, it comes down to what works for you. The same can be said for the advice we seek out online.

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This final week of August will be somewhat of a doozy because we’re experiencing the final days of Mercury retrograde, and then the post-shadow period begins (which will be felt until mid September). We’re also in the final  stretch of Venus’ transit through Virgo, which ends on the 29th. When the sun and Venus are both in Virgo, we tend to be more critical of ourselves and others.  

This is exacerbated due to retrograde season, so it’s best for all zodiac signs to  lay low and focus on tending to their own garden rather than being distracted by those around them. Once Mercury retrograde ends on the 28th, followed by Venus entering its home sign of Libra the next day, harmony, beauty,  discernment, selectivity, and self-discipline are the main themes of the week as we finish the month of August strong. 

Read your horoscopes for your Sun and Rising signs for the most in-depth forecast.

Aries Sun & Rising:

Aries, this first full week of Virgo Season has you focused on your health and wellness journey, particularly since Venus is also spending its final days in this sector of your chart. How can you infuse better habits and routines in your life in a sustainable and regenerative way? Use the final few days of Mercury’s retrograde in Leo to assess what’s helped you feel your best so far this year, and also acknowledge what’s been making you feel your worst. 

You may feel moody this weekend as we approach the dark of the moon period, in anticipation of next week’s Virgo new moon. Get curious about what your moodiness is trying to teach you. Journal your feelings, talk to your therapist, or vent to a close friend. Perhaps your needs aren’t being met in the way that feels fulfilling or reciprocal, and if that’s the case then you may need to make some adjustments to your relationship dynamics.

Taurus Sun & Rising:

Taurus, these last few days of your ruler Venus in Virgo will feel very cutesy, very mindful, very demure. You’re coming down from the intensity of last week’s Jupiter-Saturn square, and this week’s energy allows you to feel greater peace in your nervous system. Your mission during this first full week of Virgo Season is to have more fun and allow your inner child to lead the way without pressuring yourself to be overly productive. Simply be. And take more naps! 

This weekend, the dark of the moon period could lead to you taking trips down memory lane, especially once mercury retrograde ends on the 28th, in the sign of Leo. You may be thinking of ways that you could better prioritize your needs while also taking into account the needs of others. Friday’s Cancer moon encourages you to better communicate with yourself and have patience with your loved ones. Once the Moon enters Leo on Friday afternoon you may need more solo time as August comes to an end. Gift yourself that.

Gemini Sun & Rising:

Gemini, these final days of Mercury retrograde will feel quite trippy and slightly chaotic for you, so it’s best to maintain your sense of humor regarding life’s plot twists or the perceived delays that you may experience this week. While you may need to review contracts and agreements this week, it’s also essential that you double check all written work and take your time before signing any important documentation, as there may be important details in the small print that you benefit from reviewing before committing to new endeavors. 

Venus enters your fellow air sign of Libra on the 29th, and this significantly lightens up the cosmos and allows you to feel more flirtatious, harmonious, fun, loving, and adventurous. If you’re currently in a relationship, this is a great time to take your partner(s) out on dates and treat the experience as if it were the first time you were getting to know each other. If you’re single, you may enjoy this Venus transit, as it’ll help you open up to the different possibilities in love without trying to control the outcome, but rather letting the universe surprise you pleasantly.

Cancer Sun & Rising:

Cancer, you may still be coming down from the tumultuous vibe of of last week’s supermoon in Aquarius which activated your sector of health and wellness. This is an ideal week to focus on self-care regimens and reduce the responsibilities that you’ve placed on your plate, or that others expect of you. 

As we approach next week’s Virgo new moon, you’re becoming more aware of times when you’ve overcompensated or allowed your insecurities to lead you to doing way too much. This is the time to reclaim your power and protect your energy by learning how to say no. This will be much easier for you to achieve once Mercury ends its retrograde in Leo on August 28. 

Once Venus, the planet of love, enters Libra on the 29th, you’ll find yourself dreaming and living in more creative and health-oriented ways, which could include joining communities, such as running or biking clubs. You may also decide to go back to — or begin — therapy, and you may find it easier to forgive yourself and others rather than holding onto grudges. 

Keep in mind that Pluto is about to retrograde back into Capricorn on September 1 for a 10-week stay in your sector of partnerships, so if people are coming back from the past, trying to get your attention, it’s all part of the process. The key is to have discernment and to know who to keep close and who must stay out.

Leo Sun & Rising:

Leo, how are you feeling after last week’s epic supermoon in Aquarius, which activated your partnership sector? Ideally that libation helped you have a greater clarity about what your needs are in relationships. This week, the energy of Virgo season is activating your sector of money and self-esteem for the next month. After having fun exploring your vibrant personality during Leo season, you’re being asked to be more practical, especially as we approach the Virgo new moon that will take place next week on September 2. 

This is an ideal week for reflecting on your spending habits so far this year and creating a game plan and budget for the rest of this year. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, Leo. There’s no need to act like you have it all figured out. We’re all learning along the way. 

This weekend, the dark of the moon in your sign is asking you to slow down and listen to your intuition, especially if things have felt off in your environment during Mercury retrograde. Even though Mercury will shift direct in your sign from the 28th, you’ll still experience two weeks of a post-shadow period which could lead to you overthinking and not necessarily knowing what or who to believe. But fortunately, once Venus enters Libra on the 29th, you’ll have a greater ability to attract new friends and also clear the air in any friend dynamics that may have emerged during Mercury retrograde.

Virgo Sun & Rising:

Happy Virgo Season, Virgo! Make sure that you allow yourself to be the main character this week, even if Mercury retrograde’s shenanigans may cause you to lose your patience easily or feel triggered by situations. You shouldn’t allow this to stop you from shining, from playing, from really asking the universe for whatever you want, and from preparing yourself to receive it. At the same time, because we’re experiencing the final days of Venus in your sign, you may be prone to hypersensitivity and find it hard to let go of your need to feel in control. 

Once Mercury retrograde in Leo ends on the 28th, you will feel more spiritually secure. In the coming weeks you’ll find yourself committing to your spiritual practices, such as meditation, yoga, astrology, tarot, aromatherapy, or whatever healing modalities help you feel most empowered within and around yourself. 

Venus enters Libra on the 29th, and this activates your sector of money and self-esteem for the next four weeks. Your mission is to connect more with people around you and come out of your comfort zone during Venus’ transit in Libra. The more you allow yourself to be genuinely social, the more abundant you’ll naturally become.

Libra Sun & Rising:

Libra, we’re still one month away from your birthday season, but with Venus, your planetary ruler, about to enter your sign on the 29th, you’re getting a sneak peek of what your birthday season will have in store. But before we get there, the final days of Venus in Virgo, as well as the start of Virgo Season, are here to teach you of the importance of meditating more frequently, and releasing the need to impress people around you. Can you focus on impressing your own self and surpassing your previous expectations of yourself? This doesn’t mean putting pressure on yourself to be perfect, but it does mean allowing yourself to believe in the best case scenario and not become complacent when situations are a bit challenging. 

This weekend, the dark of the moon in Leo is an ideal time to clean out the mess in your home, or in your workspace, and also acknowledge some of the drama that might have occurred during Mercury’s retrograde in Leo, which affected your sector of friendship. You may have a heart-to-heart with someone that was a long time coming, in order to move on and set healthy boundaries.

Scorpio Sun & Rising:

Scorpio, in the coming weeks and months you’re likely to fall more deeply in love with yourself, with life, with a lover, and with your creative path. This is because we’re approaching the Pisces lunar eclipse which will occur on September 17. Eclipses tend to illuminate what was once hidden, and if you were in denial of your feelings for someone or of your desires for a certain dream, as we approach this eclipse, you won’t be able to deny it any longer. 

This final week of August is encouraging you to create greater structure and order in your career, especially once Mercury, the planet of communication, ends its retrograde in the sign of Leo on August 28. But also keep in mind that because there is a two-week post shadow period you may not feel confident about your career until mid September. Nevertheless, keep pushing toward your goals, but give yourself plenty of time to rest and celebrate how far you’ve come. 

This weekend, the dark of the moon in Leo has you dreaming of growth and expansion. This could take place through wanderlust that you suddenly feel, however you should avoid impulsively booking flights just because you’re feeling restless. Instead, you can escape to new worlds through the books you read, the movies you watch, the music you listen to, the food that you cook… Be creative when it comes to expanding your comfort zone, and make sure it doesn’t break the bank, as this is a period where being more frugal will pay off.

Sagittarius Sun & Rising:

Sag, now that we’re in Virgo Season, life may seem to be a bit less exciting to you initially. This is due to the fact that Virgo energy creates astrological friction with your Sagittarius nature, and isn’t necessarily as stimulating as when the sun is in a fire sign. But you’re supposed to learn how to appreciate the more mundane aspects of life, that is part of existence, too. 

These final days of Mercury retrograde in Leo as well as Venus in Virgo are here to encourage you to mellow out and release the need to always be going somewhere or taking part in an adventure. Sometimes the ultimate adventure is to get lost in a daydream or intimately enjoy the process of cleaning your home. 

Once Venus enters its home sign of Libra on the 29th, your life will get a boost of social energy, as Libra energy tends to activate your sector of friendship, technology, and social networks. If you’re single and mingling, you may find luck on dating apps or through going to social or networking events. If you’re in a relationship, you may suddenly feel a deeper desire to do your own thing or have more time on your own rather than being tied to the hip of your partner. Find graceful ways to express this, or else the post-shadow period of mercury retrograde could lead to your partner(s) taking it the wrong way. 

Capricorn Sun & Rising:

Capricorn, now that you’ve made it through last week’s planetary square between your ruler Saturn and Jupiter, the planet of luck, you’re likely to feel a greater sense of harmony due to the sun now being in Virgo and forming a trine to your Capricorn nature. However, since Mercury remains retrograde in Leo until the 28th, followed by a two-week post-shadow period, power struggles are still likely at work, and even in your domestic sector. You’re advised to invest in therapeutic ways to release any tension or triggers that may appear at this time. 

Once Venus leaves Virgo on the 29th and enters Libra for the next four weeks, you may feel slightly uncomfortable at how much your relationships are not as easily defined or predictable. This has been something you’ve been dealing with ever since May 2024 when Jupiter entered Gemini, an air sign that cannot be tamed. The recurring lesson here with these air sign transits is to accept the fact that life is full of unknowns. That’s part of the journey, part of the mystery, part of the fun! Allow yourself to have more fun in your relationships and friendships this week without feeling the need to know what happens next. 

Aquarius Sun & Rising:

Aquarius, last week’s planetary square between your ruler, Saturn, which is currently in Pisces, and Jupiter, the planet of luck, which is currently in Gemini, has had you reconsidering a lot of your current life path. This is also the case because we are in the final 10 days of Pluto, the planet of transformation, transiting through your sign. 

On September 1, Pluto will retrograde its way back into Capricorn, and this will activate your sector of spirituality, closure, and healing until November 19. You may therefore go through a hermit phase, or a chrysalis of sorts. You may need to retreat into your Aquarius cave to better figure out what your evolutionary journey has in store. 

But before we get there, Venus, the planet of love, will enter your fellow air sign of Libra on the 29th, and this will harmonize beautifully with your Aquarius nature. You’ll attract exciting opportunities as the month of August ends, but because Mercury retrograde will have just ended in Leo, which activates your partnership sector, a part of you may feel a bit cautious of entering new professional or creative dynamics, until you’ve vetted the potential collaborator. You’re definitely advised to take your time when making decisions and signing contracts, but also trust the process thanks to Venus in Libra opening you up to infinite possibilities. 

Pisces Sun & Rising:

Pisces, how are you feeling after last week’s planetary square between your ruler Jupiter, ruling planet, and Saturn, the planet of challenge, which is currently in your sign? It’s likely that you went through an existential crisis of sorts or felt pushed to your limits last week, so the best way to flow through this first week of Virgo Season is to do less, not more. 

This may be easier said than done though, because Mars and Jupiter are both in your fellow mutable sign of Gemini, and this is leading to you feeling hyperactive mentally and physically. Use the final few days of Venus in Virgo to ground yourself, ideally in nature with a partner who makes your nervous system feel calm. 

Once Venus shifts into Libra on the 29th, you’ll also be celebrating the end of Mercury retrograde in Leo, which activated your sector of health and wellness. You may suddenly feel a strong urge to move your body and spend time outdoors, soaking up the sun and being more playful. You can tell that your life’s shifting rapidly as we approach eclipse season, and the lunar eclipse that will take place in your sign on September 17 is already being felt this week. Allow yourself to purge from your life and express gratitude for what brings brightness and peace to your spirit.

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Your August Horoscope Is Here

The Leo New Moon Will Make Your Dreams Come True

Step Into Your Power Cos It's Leo Season

Welcome to Money Diaries where we are tackling the ever-present taboo that is money. We’re asking real people how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we’re tracking every last dollar.

Today: a world language teacher who makes $48,946 per year and spends some of her money this week on kalimotxo and croquetas.

If you’d like to submit your own Money Diary, you can do so via our online form. We pay $150 for each published diary. Apologies but we’re not able to reply to every email.

Occupation: World language teacher
Industry: Education
Age: 24
Location: Boise, ID
Salary: $48,946 (about to increase to $50,017 during the next school year).
Assets: PERSI retirement: $6,866.26 (I put in a little over 7% of my paycheck and the district puts in a little over 12%); HYSA: $1,500 (I just opened it); regular savings: $400.
Debt: $700 credit card; $24,351 car loan; $17,448 student loans.
Paycheck amount (monthly): $2,832.58
Pronouns: She/her

Monthly Expenses

Housing costs: $850 for my portion of a rented apartment that I split with my partner, S., and roommate, N. This includes utilities and wi-fi.
Loan payments: student loans: $0 while I’m getting my master’s; car loan: $500 (the monthly payment is $300 but I’m trying to pay it off more quickly).
Groceries: $200 and then my partner pays for groceries after that because he makes significantly more than me.
Car insurance: $180
Car wash: $19.99
Apple: $0.99
Savings: $100-200
Streaming services: We all mooch off our roommate’s parents because they have it all and are happy to share.
Union dues: $12
FSA: $42
Medical/dental/vision: all covered by my work.
Pet insurance: $17 for my half (for three cats).

Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Yes, my dad was adamant that I get a college degree in something that made sense to him. Originally he wasn’t very happy that I wanted to pursue world languages but it all worked out in the end. (My siblings did not have the same expectations of them, fyi.) I had to take out loans my first year of undergrad to cover housing, to study abroad my senior year and for my first semester of my master’s program. I could cover the rest of my schooling with scholarships. I worked part-time throughout college so that I could afford to live off-campus. I used my mother’s income so that I could receive the best financial packages and a Pell Grant. I’m also a first-generation student, which helped in terms of scholarships.

Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s)/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
I wasn’t really educated about finances. My dad emphasized the importance of saving when I was younger. I wish he had spoken with me more about it because he is very good at budgeting and saving. We talk a little bit more about money now that I’m an adult. I called him when I was setting up my FSA and retirement account and he was super helpful throughout that process.

What was your first job and why did you get it?
I worked at a local supermarket where I grew up when I was 14. My dad made it very clear that he would not be able to support me through college so I needed to start saving then. I also used some of the money for fun to hang out with friends.

Did you worry about money growing up?
Yes, especially after my parents’ divorce. My mom did not make a lot of money and had terrible spending habits. It caused me a lot of anxiety growing up. We would be struggling to buy food and she would be buying things that weren’t needed (toys, new clothes etc.) to try to keep us happy. My dad didn’t make a lot of money and had five kids to support but he was very good at budgeting. I never felt like I had to worry about food or housing when we stayed with him. It was much more stable.

Do you worry about money now?
Yes and no. Day to day I feel secure but I stress when I think about long-term goals like savings and retirement. I feel like every time I get my savings to a good place, I have to fix something in my car or I need some medical care or our cats have an expensive vet visit. That’s just life. I also constantly worry about my retirement and plan to open another account to feel more secure once I finish my master’s and get a significant pay bump.

At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
I was on my dad’s car insurance plan and he paid my car registration until I finished school, so 22. I would say I’m mostly responsible for myself, even though my partner’s company pays for my phone bill (it’s super cheap for them so they didn’t mind adding me when I was struggling with money during student teaching). I’ve offered to remove myself now that I have a full-time job but they keep me on it. I would say my partner is my financial safety net. He supported me a lot financially after I studied abroad because I didn’t get paid until about two months into teaching (I started at the start of August and didn’t get paid until the end of September).

Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
When my great grandmother died, I received her car. My dad occasionally sends me money ($100-$200) and frequently tries to pay for things that I need for the apartment/my car. I think sometimes he feels bad that he couldn’t financially support my education and tries to make up for it.

Day One

6:30 a.m. — Ugh. I’m trying to start waking up earlier before I go back to work. I’m still in summer mode. I get up anyway because I’m helping S.’ mom, P., walk her dog and it needs to happen before it gets too hot.

7:15 a.m. — Walking the dog. He’s very cute and very excited every time he sees me. I see P. and say hi briefly before she has to leave for work. We make plans to hang out soon. She and I are very close and I feel fortunate to be so close to S.’ mom.

8:15 a.m. — Dropping my car off at the dealership because it needs an oil change. I don’t think I owe anything because it’s under warranty. S. meets me there and I will go to work with him until my car is ready. My roommate, N., offered to pick me up when the car is ready so I will text him when it’s done. S. takes us to get coffee. I get an iced London Fog and he gets a mocha and a raspberry scone to share. It’s about $15 plus tip. He buys.

9 a.m. — At S.’ place of work. We talk about what our days look like over the scone. I open my laptop to do some prep work before I’m back. I’m rewriting assessments for the first unit and roughly planning the first week back. I get a text message from the dealership about recommended work. I don’t know anything about cars so I show it to S. I’m worried because one of the recommended services is $1,200 and it seems to be the most important. S. calls the dealership to ask some questions and decides that the service isn’t needed now. Yay! I’m very fortunate to have a partner who understands cars and knows the right questions to ask. He tells me that he has a mechanic he trusts who will fix it for a more reasonable price.

10 a.m. — One of S.’ coworkers comes in with a little kitten. I’m so excited. I’m walking around with it and playing with it. Everyone here brings in their animals — dogs, cats and a ferret — and now there’s a new little addition to the business. I get a text that my car is done so I text N. I let him know that I’m in no rush so he can pick me up whenever he’s ready.

11:30 a.m. — N. picks me up and drops me off. I pick up my car and there is no charge for the oil change since the car is still under warranty. Yay! Once home, I reheat some leftover creamy pasta with shrimp and zucchini that S. made for my lunch and give the cats their wet food. I also snack on some baby carrots and bell peppers while watching an episode of Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown. I check my banking app and see that an adjustment has been made to what I paid for a procedure about two months ago. I’ve been reimbursed $180. Sweet.

2 p.m. — I wake up from a nap with our cats not realizing I fell asleep. Oops. I scroll on social media for 15 minutes before getting back to work. I’m continuing on what I was working on this morning with Forensic Files on in the background. N. gets back from Costco and shows me his purchases. I mildly regret not asking for a slice of pizza.

4:30 p.m. — I start making dinner: a one-pot recipe with fish and bok choy served over rice. It’s super quick to make and super delicious. S. calls to let me know he’ll be home a little late since he has to run some errands after work. I keep the food warm for when he gets back.

5:30 p.m. — One of my friends calls letting me know that she has COVID-19 and asks if I feel okay since we went to the lake together a few days ago. She offers to drop off some tests but I have some. Take a test just to be sure and it’s negative (when S. comes home, I let him know, but he wasn’t hanging out with us).

6:30 p.m. — S. gets home and we watch Love Island UK together. We talk about which couples will make it outside the villa now that we’re nearing the end of the season. We go to the gym when the episode finishes. N. comes with us. Once I’m back home, I shower, do skincare, brush my teeth, watch Detective Pikachu and read until I fall asleep around 10 p.m.

Daily Total: $0

Day Two

7 a.m. — Wake up. Struggling to get up. I woke up at around 4 a.m. because one of my cats was…screaming? Singing? Once they learned I was awake, they all snuggled in for some love and I struggled to fall back asleep with all three of them on me. I get up to brush my teeth and do my skincare (Cetaphil gentle cleanser, Good Molecules caffeine eye cream, CeraVe moisturizer and Glow sunscreen from Sun Bum). I make myself a black tea with some honey and head out the door to walk the dog.

9 a.m. — When I get back, I see S. is home. I ask why he’s working from home and he said a lot of employees are falling ill. He takes a COVID-19 test and it’s negative. We both take an Emergency vitamin C packet just to be safe. I make us a quick breakfast of avocado toast and yogurt with granola. I read while I eat.

11:30 a.m. — S. has to leave on a service call. He asks if I have any masks. I hand him my keys so he can grab some from my car. When he leaves, I head down to the pool at our complex to read. I’m currently rereading a book for a professional development course that I’ll be attending in a few weeks. It’s really interesting and it’s a good refresher before I head back into the classroom. It’s focused on second language acquisition and ways teachers can modify some of our practices in the classroom.

1 p.m. — I’m craving a sandwich so I go to pick up one for myself and for S. I go to a new local spot downtown. I get S. their tuna melt and I get a chicken bánh mì. YUM. It’s $25.26 including tip. I get back home and start some work again. I anxiously wait for a consultation call from a potential new therapist. My last one had to close her practice a few months ago and I’m finally reaching out to new providers. When I haven’t heard anything from her about 15 minutes after she said she’d call, I send an email. $25.26

6:30 p.m. — Watching old seasons of MasterChef with N. when we get a text from our apartment that there are snow cones downstairs! First 100 residents get a free snow cone but we’re an hour late so I’m nervous we won’t get one. We both get one for free and I buy one for S. since he doesn’t feel like coming down. It’s only $4 but I tell him that he owes me a coffee. Once back up, I play with the kitties for a little bit. $4

7 p.m. — S. and I watch a couple of episodes of Evil while eating leftovers for dinner. I eat the leftover fish from yesterday and he has leftover pasta from a few days ago. Then I shower, brush my teeth and do skincare. Cats come to snuggle in with me. I fall asleep around 10 p.m.

Daily Total: $29.26

Day Three

7 a.m. — I’m awake but slow to start because I have kitties all snuggled around me. After a few minutes I get up, do some morning Yoga with Adriene and read The Covenant of Water. Around 8 a.m. I get ready to leave to walk the dog. S. is up so we have a cup of coffee together and talk about our days. He has to run on a service call but lets me know he’ll work from home the rest of the day. I tell him that I plan to go grocery shopping and he asks if I’ll pick up his prescription from the pharmacy while I’m there. The therapist I reached out to replies, asking if I can do the consultation at 1:30 p.m. today. I can! She had accidentally put me down for the wrong time.

10 a.m. — I pick up S.’ prescription from the pharmacy. It’s $5 after his insurance. I just pay for it, since he pays for mine if he picks it up for me. I don’t know how this started but I think it’s just a nice thing we do for each other occasionally. $5

10:30 a.m. — Yay, grocery shopping. I actually don’t mind it, especially when I get to the store before noon because there tend to be fewer people. I pick up a few things to help finish off some odds and ends in the fridge. I grab milk, butter, Greek yogurt, ground beef, black beans, peaches, mangos, cherries, mushrooms, tomatoes, avocados, kimchi, queso, dryer sheets and a doughnut (a little sweet treat). I get home and realize as I’m unloading the groceries that I forgot ramen noodles, ughhhhh. $56.53

12 p.m. — I turn on the oven to make TJ’s frozen orange chicken. While I wait for the oven to heat, I do a quick clean-up of the house. Unload the dishwasher, wipe down the kitchen, take the laundry out of the dryer and organize the living room. I make some rice to go with the chicken and then make a little snack plate of veggies and fruit to eat with it.

2 p.m. — Off the consultation call with the potential therapist. She seems like she could be a good fit but she’s not sure where I can fit into her scheduling. She works with a lot of college students and they’re all starting to come back. Towards the end of the phone call, we plan to do one introductory session for insurance, scheduling and to learn a little bit more about what I want out of counseling. I really need to have a therapist set up before I go back into work so I reach out to some other recommendations that my last therapist sent me. S. comes home shortly after the call. We briefly catch up before he has to join a few meetings for the afternoon. I continue reading the book for the professional development course in a few weeks.

5:30 p.m. — S. and I make tacos together while we watch Love Island. N. comes home right as we finish so I tell him that he should eat some. We assemble our tacos and watch the Olympics opening ceremony. We all do a quick kitchen clean-up. Boys go to their desks to play games. I take a gummy and start a new book in my second language. After a while, I decide I want to rewatch One Tree Hill and I play Stardew Valley on my Switch while watching. My stomach drops when Lucas says, “I’ll be seeing ya.” I feel like I’m in high school again. LOL. S.’ aunt asks if I want to come over Sunday evening for dinner. Yes I do.

10:30 p.m. — The boys come to hang out with me so we pick something to watch together. We settle on Kaguya-sama: Love Is War. It’s the only romcom S. will watch and I’ve never seen it before. It’s really funny. After a few episodes, we head to bed. We brush our teeth and do our skincare routines. S. and I have a little more fun before calling it a night.

Daily Total: $61.53

Day Four

7 a.m. — Wake up naturally and get out of bed. I make myself a cup of Earl Grey and continue reading The Covenant of Water. Lots of snuggles from the kitties. After a few chapters, I play with them a little until S. wakes up. He makes us coffee and asks me to put on Evil. I’m a little bummed because we usually watch Love Island with coffee on the weekends.

11:15 a.m. — P. (S.’ mom) picks us up to go visit his grandma and aunt in Ontario. We all test for COVID-19 before we leave since so many people around us have had it. We are all negative! We stop at the store so I can grab a snack (a protein bar) and take out some cash. We’ll also stop by a specialty goods store once we’re there. $4.15

12:30 p.m. — At the specialty goods store. I only need a few things so I don’t end up buying a whole lot. After, we visit his grandma and aunt for a couple of hours. It’s nice to catch up. We grab a late lunch from a local burger place after visiting. P. treats us. I get a chili dog with fries. S. shares his shake with me. $25

6 p.m. — Home for a few hours before we head out to the Basque Festival. S. and I take a shower among other things. After, I watch an episode of One Tree Hill before we head out. I text our friends to let them know we’re leaving and they let us know where they are so we can easily find them. We walk over since it’s not very far from us.

8:15 p.m. — At the Basque Festival, I get two kalimotxos for N. and myself, and a beer for S. It’s $15 including tip. My friend, M., is doing community service so I stop by and say hi to her. She’s super busy so it’s a quick hello and check-in. We make tentative plans to go to bingo or scary movie night next week. I go back to my group and we listen to some live music for a little bit. S. buys me a Tiger’s Blood shaved ice. At around 9 p.m. we go into the Basque Museum for cocktails. We’re packed in there like sardines. The boys put cash together and get this round. S. gives the bartender a $12 tip (about 50%) since she’s so great. I get a tequila soda. I’m hungry so I buy croquetas for myself and a chorizo hotdog for S. ($15 including tip). We share our food. The group wants to move to a bar but I have only sipped my drink. S. and N. help me finish it. I ordered a single but she definitely poured a double. $30

10:30 p.m. — We head over to a small, newer bar. Half the group sits at a table and the other half sits at the bar. I’m at the bar with S., N. and our friend B. S. offers to get this tab and I’ll cover the next bar. I get a water and a Topo Chico hard seltzer. S. orders a vieux carré. B. and I chat for a while about life. I turn to S. and we talk/watch the news on the TV. We see an ad for urine collection and can’t stop laughing. I know, I know, but it’s funny when buzzed. N. buys S. a Coors Banquet. We decide that after this drink, we’ll head to the next bar. S. closes his tab.

11:30 p.m. — We head to a rooftop bar. The weather is perfect now that the sun is down. We order our drinks. S. tells me that he only wants one so I don’t open a tab. I order a spicy paloma and he orders an old fashioned. The total comes to $36.68 including tip. S. also gets me a glass of water and one for himself. After settling in, we play Heads Up with my phone. S. says he wants to go to one more bar; I ask if we can call it a night. He agrees and tells me that he probably does not need another drink and that we can go home. $36.68

1:30 a.m. — On the way home we stop for food. I get a hotdog ($5 including tip) and S. gets a burrito. The hotdog is so yummy, I have no regrets. We tell everyone that we’re heading home. We get home and decide to start watching the Olympics. We watch some beach volleyball for an hour before heading to bed. S. and I do some other things before falling asleep. $5

Daily Total: $100.83

Day Five

8:40 a.m. — I wake up 20 minutes before we’re supposed to get up for our breakfast. I find my purse and my phone, which is dead. I plug it in and read The Covenant of Water for a bit. Once it’s alive, I see a text from my friend from last night, letting me know they made it home. I say thank you and apologize for not responding more quickly.

10 a.m. — Breakfast with our couple friend and another friend! I’m covering this as a birthday present for our friend. I’m not super hungover but I haven’t had a lot of water so I get a big glass of water, an orange juice and a coffee. The holy trinity to recover from a night out. They bring us an order of Dutch babies pancakes to share. I order a half serving of biscuits and gravy with eggs. My friend D. orders huevos rancheros and I snag a few bites because it looks so yummy. He has some of mine as well. I pay for S. and D. It comes to $80.31 including a 20% tip. We all make a plan to see Deadpool & Wolverine at 1:50 pm before leaving. $80.31

1:50 p.m. — We arrive just on time, get our tickets and some snacks. S. covers this since I got brunch. We order a large diet Coke, a small popcorn and frozen cookie dough bites. I like the movie! It’s a fun watch. S. and I discuss it thoroughly as we walk back home. He asks if I will go to Home Depot with him so he can buy supplies to replace his mom’s dishwasher. I say yes but only if he brings me to his mom’s house so that she and I can go to his aunt’s together. A deal has been made.

5:30 p.m. — We get to P.’s house and S. gets right to work on her dishwasher. P. and I head over to S.’ aunt’s and uncle’s place. S. was implied invited (I think) but he was never texted so it’s just P. and me. S.’ cousin G. is also there. G. and I hang out frequently because he’s like a brother to me and we all lived together for a while. We have a lovely feast of ribs, tomato salad and potato salad. So delicious. We chat for a while and G. and I make plans to grab coffee this week. I let him know that it’s my last week for midweek morning coffee chats before I go back to work. Summer break is almost over. I’m so bummed.

9 p.m. — Back home. I’m exhausted so I get ready for bed. Once in bed I start reading to wind down but I’m feeling so anxious. I stop and do some breathing exercises. I eventually fall asleep but only for a little while. I wake up and hear S. showering in our bathroom. My mind is running and I’m having a hard time calming down. I start reading again. S. comes out eventually and is surprised to see me awake. He joins me in bed and we co-read. I stop and then he stops. We get a little handsy and have a bit of fun. After, we cuddle until I fall asleep.

Daily Total: $80.31

Day Six

7 a.m. — Wake up to my alarm. I get out of bed and turn it off, then go right back to bed. I decide that I will wake up with S.’ alarm. At around 8 a.m. we wake up together and get ready together. I leave to walk P.’s dog and he leaves to go to work. I have so many new podcast episodes to listen to. Yay! I decide to listen to the episode on Hamilton from Rehash. I do not like Hamilton and I’m very interested to hear what these women have to say about it.

10 a.m. — Back home and I make avocado toast with a cup of black tea. After eating, I instantly fall asleep.

12 p.m. — Wake up from my nap surrounded by cats. I get up and start picking up so the place looks more tidy. I start the dishwasher and a load of laundry. I make a taco bowl for lunch. After eating, I put on the Olympic Games in the background and start working. I’m planning the first two weeks for each language level. I watch men’s beach volleyball, women’s basketball and women’s fencing. While working, I realize that I’ve been paid! (The district I work in pays teachers all year.) I pay my car insurance and car payment.

3 p.m. — N. comes home from work and tells me about some work drama. He doesn’t say names (lame) but G. works with him and I’ll be seeing him later this week so I’ll get the rest of the details then. We continue watching sports. US women’s beach volleyball beats Australia! I text my friend M. about scary movie night and we invite two more people. N. makes us green tea. He makes it in a kettle and then serves us in little cups.

5 p.m. — I start prepping tofu for dinner and switch the laundry. We will be eating spicy tofu bowls tonight. I also get ready to go to the gym since we haven’t gone for a few days. S. and I will go when he gets home from work.

6 p.m. — S. is actually too tired for the gym so we decide to catch up on Love Island instead. I make dinner and S. cleans up. I gasp at the last episode we watch. Those producers are mean sometimes!

9 p.m. — I’m tired so I get ready for bed. Shower, skincare, brush teeth. I read on the couch for a little bit before going to bed.

Daily Total: $0

Day Seven

7 a.m. — I’m kind of awake but I need to get up and walk the dog. I have to rush this morning and get back home before the fire alarm drill for the entire apartment complex. The dog and I go on a nice, cool morning walk. I listen to an episode of And That’s Why We Drink. I love this podcast because I feel like I’m right there in the conversation with them.

8:30 a.m. — Back home. I rush to set up the bathroom/closet for the fire alarm testing. S and I had a very long discussion about what we wanted to do with the cats during the drill. They are very anxious and skittish so I didn’t want to take them somewhere in the car. Since we don’t have any alarms in the bathroom/closet, we decided to set up a space for them in there and do our best to soundproof it. S. gave them some kitty Xanax about an hour ago and I will stay with them because it’s not fair for me to leave them. Once the alarms start, I realize we made the right decision. The kitties are a little spooked at first but they calm down pretty quickly and sleep through the entire hour and a half of fire alarms.

12 p.m. — Make another taco bowl for lunch to use up some produce that is about to go bad (cabbage, tomatoes, bell peppers and avocado). My day isn’t too exciting today. I’m mostly rotting on the couch reading, playing games on my Switch, playing with the kitties and watching the Olympics. I feel a little guilty about the rot but I’m going back to work next week. I think I deserve some rot time before I become incredibly busy this fall.

5:30 p.m. — S. comes home and we get ready for the gym. I’m on a time crunch because I’m meeting my friends for scary movie night around 7:30 p.m. and I want to walk to them. We decide to do leg day at the gym because we do less cardio on leg day. I do 10 minutes on the stair stepper and some leg workouts that I saw on Instagram. I hurry back so I can eat some leftovers for dinner and freshen up a little bit.

7:30 p.m. — I arrive to scary movie night at a bar. Tonight we are watching The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974). I have never seen it before tonight. We do a little trivia before we watch the movie. I order a boozy lemonade slushy and a light beer ($19.20 including tip). After the movie, we check the vibe and everyone wants to go home. Thank goodness because I am tired. I decide to scooter home ($4.37). $23.57

10:30 p.m. — I get home and S. offers to make me a cocktail. We don’t really have a lot of mixers but he’s feeling creative so I say yes. He makes me a cocktail of Malibu rum, grapefruit gin, lime, simple syrup and club soda. It’s actually pretty yummy. N. and S. both make Manhattans. S. makes me try a sip and I still don’t like it. We watch two episodes of Kaguya-sama: Love Is War. Then S. and I do our bedtime routines and go to bed together.

Daily Total: $23.57

The Breakdown

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When we think of fall fashion, lots of layering, warm earth tones, soft suede, and denim everything comes to mind. Madewell is supplying all of these cold-weather must-haves — and more! — with its new collection. From transitional wardrobe staples shoppers can start wearing now to the brand’s newest denim additions — which feature several wide-leg jeans that are promising to dominate the season — and the studs and suede shop — which includes buttery handbags and embellished ballet flats — you can shop all your fall favorites in one place. 

Plus, you can find versatile pieces that can be worn to the office, casual fall outings, and elevated dinner parties. So scroll on to shop our favorite Madewell new arrivals, many of which are selling quickly, to flesh out your fall wardrobe. (And don’t forget to check out the new collections from more Refinery29 reader-favorite brands like Free People, Everlane, and Abercrombie & Fitch.)

Madewell Summer-To-Fall Transitional Staples

It will soon be time to swap out our summer must-haves for fall essentials. But before you overhaul your closet, embrace the sweet spot of not-so-hot and not-so-cold weather that calls for transitional weather clothing. Check out Madewell’s drapey twill capsule for on-trend vests (worn as tops or over tops), Bermuda shorts (paired with sneakers or knee-high boots), and trench coats (styled open or belted up) in an easy-breezy fabric. More versatile staples include cropped button-down shirts, mini shirt dresses, and oversized denim overalls.

Madewell Fall Elevated Denim

Madewell is known and loved for its jeans, and its new arrivals section is full of delightful denim finds. From superwide-leg jeans in dark washes and thick trouser-like hemlines to trendy barrel-leg jeans, this season’s styles are perfect for the office, late-night drinks, and anything in between. Additional elevated jean styles that can be worn from day to night include denim dresses and not-so-slouchy denim jackets, which happen to be a fall coat trend.

Madewell Fall Suede Accessories

Suede jackets and handbags are trending right now, and while Madewell’s new suede blazer is sadly already sold out, you can still shop tons of accessories in the fabric to fall-ify your outfits. For your fall handbag, consider a suede bucket-bag-meets-tote-bag or a large curved shoulder bag. And for shoes, slip into suede Mary Jane ballet flats or kitten heel booties in earthy mahogany, chocolate, and khaki colors.

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Venus in Libra is here to get the end-of-season party started! The moment Venus enters Libra on August 29, there will be a vibe shift that feels like a breath of fresh air. 

Venus in Libra is giving TLC and good energy regarding heart matters. For the first time in a while, we’ll feel like we can be ourselves and embrace our partners for who they are without judgment. This is an ideal time to lean into love. It’s one of the best moments of the year because we’ll be able to express how we feel to those we care about. We can move towards our passions in a chill way, enabling us to connect nicely with the people we adore. 

At times, Venus in Libra acts cheeky. Since the air sign likes to flirt, we might feel overzealous and start crushing on many people. Even though we have our one and only person waiting at home, it doesn’t mean we won’t engage in a few long glances or a giggle with a stranger to boost our confidence. As long as the intellectual conversation about books, art, and fashion doesn’t lead to anything physical or emotional, we can be chatty with others who share our interests. 

When it comes down to the act of sex, Venus in Libra is totally game for fulfilling their partner’s wildest fantasies. Venus in Libra is a pleaser and a giver but requires the same in return. If it doesn’t happen immediately, Venus in Libra will eventually want their sexual needs to be fulfilled and met. Venus in Libra is in it for the long haul, so patience is a virtue and essential way of life — but the vibe has to be reciprocated at some point. 

Saving money might be hard during this astrological transit since Venus in Libra likes to show off its status. Being a baller is critical, but not if bills aren’t getting paid. Try to budget your money instead of treating your squad to a night at the hottest restaurant and club in town. You don’t have to buy drinks for everyone. Bottom line: Make sure that you are getting what you’re giving.  Stop indulging yourself and others in the finest things in life and moderate your spending to maintain harmony in your bank account.

The vibe gets better after September 3. Venus aligns with the South Node of Destiny, making it hard to let go of an ex, friend, or someone we’ve been “expiring” dating. Changes are that we might be lovesick and unable to get out of a financial or romantic rut. Several days later, Jupiter in Gemini sprinkles Venus with good news, abundance, and joy, freeing us from the past and leading us into the present on September 15. Venus and Jupiter’s rendezvous in the cosmos aims to expand our emotions and sentiments. If you’re single and looking to meet someone, this could be an excellent day to connect with another. You might be able to match with someone on a dating app or meet them IRL sans technology. Our wallets may be full, and our bank accounts may be lush. September 15 is a fantastic time to ask for a raise if you want to score one from your boss.

The following day, Venus links up with the centaur Chiron, who’s moonwalking in Aries, allowing us to heal the past and make amends with others. September 16 is a pivotal day for expressing and sharing our intimate feelings with others because we can mend broken hearts and offer solid advice to our besties. September 22 brings Venus to a square with Pluto, who is retrograde in Capricorn. This might ignite intense emotions, power struggles, and triangular situations. Be prepared to fight for who or what you want. Do not back down. 

Overall, Venus in Libra brings mixed energies to the last month of summer. There will be tears as we release old feelings and wounds to move forward. We are putting our hearts back together and allowing ourselves to embrace newness. Although some moments might be intense and erratic, we acknowledge what our hearts desire the most. Remember that when Venus enters Scorpio on September 22, the day of the fall equinox, our emotions will reach a fever pitch; therefore, use is a moment to feel the lightheartedness of the season. Surrender to love.

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Your Horoscope This Week: August 18 To 24

Your August Horoscope Is Here

Step Into Your Power Cos It's Leo Season

Refinery29 is proud to partner with Audible, Inc., the leading creator and provider of premium audio storytelling, to celebrate AAPI voices, stories, and authors — including Lily Chu who pens romantic comedies with strong Asian characters (her latest, Drop Dead, is exclusively available to stream on Audible). Here, in this personal essay, as told to Andrea Cheng, R29 Entertainment Director Melissah Yang shares how she knew when to reject the Hollywood rom-com blueprint and end a five-year-long relationship — and what she learned along the way.

I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve had many, many boyfriends (okay, maybe I’m slightly ashamed). As a serial monogamist, I’ve found myself constantly falling into relationships, versus falling in love. What I mean by that is: I’m guilty of staying in a relationship long past its expiration date, of turning what should have been a fling into an official thing. 

I was in seventh grade when a boy asked me out for the first time — it lasted all of two weeks. Ever since, I’ve been in back-to-back relationships for pretty much my entire dating career. My first, serious, I’m-going-to-marry-this-person-and-live-happily-ever-after relationship was when I was 17 years old. So many rom-coms spoon-feed you the fairy tale that you’ll end up with your childhood love, and I bought into it. As a teen in the 2000s — the heyday of rom-coms — I watched them all, like the magazine editor who makes a bet and falls in love with the ad exec, or the 13-year-old who wakes up as a 30-year-old editor and realizes she’s been in love with her childhood friend this whole time. These stories shaped what I came to expect out of relationships, and with my high school boyfriend, I truly believed he was “the one” — until it didn’t work out. 

My next two relationships were in college — and again, I thought, This is someone I’m going to end up with. We were both career-driven, we came from the same cultural background, we were involved in the same college activities. I thought we’d graduate college, find jobs, get engaged, get married, and have kids — all before turning 30. This was the relationship that was going to follow the blueprint that Hollywood taught me. And again, when that didn’t work out, it took a long time for me to reconcile what I saw played out in movies wasn’t going to match real life. That was when I realized that achieving “happily ever after” wasn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be. It was an eye-opening learning experience — or unlearning experience, if you will. 

But of course, it happened again. 

I met E when I was 24 years old at my friend’s place in Orange County — he was my friend’s boyfriend’s college friend. And the fact that we had mutual friends, that we were both in the same circle (even if it was on the fringe) immediately stripped away any of the discomfort or strangeness you’d normally feel meeting someone out in the wild. There’s a degree of familiarity. Here was this Korean guy who was unexpectedly funny, charismatic — and had this swagger that I found intriguing. He asked me for my number at the end of the night, and I, surprising myself, gave it to him (and you must know: I never give out my number). He texted me an hour later — and that was that. 

Everything on paper would indicate that this was my most serious relationship — everything matched up. He was also Korean. He also went to church. We were together for five years. We were involved in each other’s lives. We had met each other’s families. 

Unlike previous relationships, I pursued this one — a lot of it had to do with the fact that I was at the age where you’re supposed to be looking for your life partner. There’s this timeframe, this societal pressure to get engaged and get married in your mid to late 20s. So, I asked myself, Could this be the partner I’m supposed to be finding right now? The answer was: yes — at least for the first two, three years — so I ignored the red flags. I began to rationalize things in my mind or tried to pretend they didn’t bother me.

He was six years older than me, and I thought he lacked a level of maturity I expected of someone his age. I found myself getting annoyed with him whenever we were out with friends. He also lacked ambition that didn’t match my energy or drive. And he wasn’t really present or invested or engaged when we were with my family or friends. I felt that I was forcing the relationship to fit a picture of what I envisioned my life should look like. 

E moved into my Los Angeles apartment in 2017, and six months later I realized that this wasn’t working — but I think, deep down, I had known much earlier, after years of compromising or settling. We were heading in the direction toward an engagement, and I felt there was a lack of motivation on his part to make that happen. The final straw was when he decided to buy a $4,000 computer — that was the moment when I was like, “Wow, you made this decision to buy this computer instead of using that money toward our future and our plans together.” 

But it took a full year for me to actually end the relationship. 

There were moments when I second-guessed or doubted my instincts. Obviously, the biggest complication was that we lived together. But another major factor was that I had invested so much time into this person. When you give so much of your life and your love for an individual, it becomes that much harder to let go. After five years together, our lives were so entwined — not just the bills, but relationships with friends and family. My parents thought E was the one I was going to be with. There’s a level of responsibility you carry — it’s not just your time that you’ve invested in this person, but everyone else’s time, too. I felt guilty. I felt that I was disappointing everyone in my life who took the time to care about this person. 

I remember calling my sister from my car in the parking lot a week before ending the relationship, and her response was, “Are you sure? Have you really thought about it?” I had to tell her, “I’ve already thought about it for a year.” 

It was scary ending the relationship — I was 29 at the time and I felt overwhelming anxiety about turning 30. I had preconceived notions of what my life was supposed to be like: to hit these personal milestones before the age of 30. And again, that was conditioning from watching rom-coms. It was a hard breakup, but I knew it was the right choice. 

The thing is, once I turned 30 — literally day one of age 30 — all that anxiety vanished. I felt better and lighter. And now that I’m in my mid-30s, I can say that I love my 30s. I feel so much more secure and confident in making decisions because I chose to make them. That’s one lesson I took away from that relationship: I’m never going to be a victim of my own complacency anymore. I’m going to be very intentional about the time I spend with people. 

In many ways, I’m also very jaded. Having been in so many long-term relationships and thinking my life was going in one direction and then realizing it wasn’t, has left me in a place of: been there, done that. I want to find joy in those milestones again. With my current partner, I have to catch myself from dismissing major moments and remember, This is a unique experience with someone different, so it’ll be special. It’ll be new.

But I am a lot happier now. I’m not as concerned about having or finding “the perfect partner,” because I’m realizing that I’m very okay with being alone. I find security in my own sense of self. It’s a gift from that experience (and the culmination of all my relationships): the realization that I don’t need anybody anymore. And it feels really powerful that I’ve made the choice to be happy.

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“It’s her!” I bellowed as I ran through a crowd full of glistening brown dancing bodies covered in glitter and fevers. I was in Barbados for its Crop Over Festival and I was dragged through the Grand Kadooment Day parade as soca music thundered in my ears and people “jump up” under the hot Caribbean sun. It was, of course, Rihanna who caused me to sprint like a bullet train. The superstar had returned home to Barbados and was playing mas in custom jeweled adornments and expansive feather wings. “It’s like she’s Princess Diana,” someone in the crowd laughed as hundreds spilled in around the superstar’s truck, hoping to get a touch of her hand. The moment has now become a core memory. 

It was my first time in Barbados since I was a child. My memories of my time on the island — living with my gran (gran-gran) and great-grandmother in our familial home — are hazy and I’m not sure which memories are mine or simply the retellings of my parents. On the very same day that I would see Rihanna in all her regalia, I’d also search for and find my gran-gran’s house (my house) for the first time in decades. My dad had texted me the address on Grand Kadooment Day and my taxi driver confirmed that my grandmother’s house was only five minutes away from the Crop Over celebrations. I was elated. There are no street names or numbered houses so the taxi driver and a van full of journalists asked strangers on the street if they knew of my great-grandmother and many said no. I was resigned to not finding the house when — call it fate or coincidence — one of my travel companions told the driver to stop the car in front of an old woman and her son walking by. They said they had lived on this street all their lives and remembered my family, who they described as “the ones that went to England and stopped coming back to Barbados”. My ancestral home was just a few short yards away. I stood in the street that I recognized from photo albums. I saw the steps where I chased geckos and played with local kids. And, on those steps, I cried for my much-beloved gran who died 10 years ago. This trip would reconnect me with a core part of my identity and it was life-altering — seeing Rihanna was only the icing on the cake. 

In what was an unfortunate coincidence, it was during this transformative week in Barbados that England became subject to widespread racist riots. After the tragic murders of three young girls in Southport last month, EDL members had hijacked the pain of those mourning in an attempt to justify violent attacks on Muslim people and other ethnic minorities. In Manchester where I live, a Muslim family was chased by a man with a chainsaw; A Black man was jumped by far-right members in the town centre where I frequent. From the safety of palm trees and idyllic beaches, I watched videos of politicians struggling to bend their mealy mouths to say the words “racist” and “Islamophobia”. I watched as “rioters” smashed and burned the very home they said they were fighting to “take back”. I worried for the safety of my family. I was in Barbados, the home of my father and grandparents, but my actual home was in chaos. Since the trip and the riots, I’ve been ruminating on what home means to me ever since. 

As a third-generation Black British woman, both Barbadian (Bajan) and Antiguan, I was brought up on stories of the Caribbean. My Bajan grandmother fed me Bajan bakes and coconut bread as treats, while my Antiguan grandmother’s ‘Saturday’ pepperpot soup would leave my belly full of pumpkin, sweet potatoes, and boiled dumplings. By spending extended time with my beautiful grandparents in Manchester, I learned a lot about their “homes” and was often reminded that Barbados and Antigua were my homes too, though far away.

My grandparents traveled to the UK during the 50s and 60s as part of the Windrush generation and like many Caribbean immigrants faced discrimination and racism but also helped foster Caribbean hubs where you could buy plantain and speak in patois with others from the islands. They also integrated (not always happily) with white working-class people and other immigrants to create new multicultural communities. However, I always got the sense they longed for the islands they left (from ripping open mangos with bare teeth to reconnecting with the family members I’d never met). 

Like many Black Brits, claiming the UK as home can feel complicated, especially now. But it is home. I am British; there’s no escaping it and the Heinz beans in my cupboard confirm it. But even though my passport says so, it has never stopped a racist in the UK from telling me to “go home” on multiple occasions in my life. My Caribbean-ness is built into my factory settings but until recently, I hadn’t traveled to the islands for years. Being Barbadian (Bajan) and Antiguan is who I am to my core but my accent says otherwise. I often feel like a contradiction. Going back to Barbados as an adult was an opportunity to affirm a part of myself that often feels overpowered. 

I had traveled to Barbados as part of a press trip, to celebrate the Crop Over season and all the glorious celebrations, or rather “fetes”, including J’ouvert to Grand Kadooment Day. The origin of Crop Over can be traced back to the 1700s when Barbados was one of the world’s biggest producers of sugar because of the indentured labor of enslaved Black men, women, and children. It was because of the untold suffering and violence of slavery in Barbados that Britain became wealthy and a superpower. At the end of the sugarcane harvest period, Barbadian men and women would celebrate with a parade; however, once the sugar industry fell into decline so did the celebrations. Crop Over was reignited in the ‘70s and like in Trinidad, came the tradition of playing mas when thousands “jump up” in resplendent costumes. It is a celebration of freedom. 

During Crop Over, I was reminded why London’s Notting Hill Carnival, as well as Caribbean carnivals in Leeds and Manchester, are so integral to the sense of belonging for Caribbean communities in the UK. Notting Hill Carnival was founded in 1959 by Trinidadian activist Claudia Jones in response to race riots that targeted the homes of West Indians for over a week. Resolute, Jones introduced the Caribbean carnival as a means to build unity and showcase Caribbean heritage. Over 60 years later, in the wake of the recent far-right riots, Notting Hill Carnival feels especially defiant in the face of racism. Notting Hill Carnival attracts hundreds of thousands of visitors globally each year and 2024 was no different — it is an economy-building tourist attraction that greatly benefits the UK. As the impact of the latest race riots is still felt, carnival feels like a middle finger to those who treat Britain’s multiculturalism as a threat. 

Unsurprisingly, in Barbados, I was also at peace. In the sun, soca and calypso music sounded sweeter in my ears. I regretted not playing mas but I danced my heart out and it was glorious. I stayed in the luxurious Wyndham Hotel at Sam Lord’s Castle, on the southeast coast of the island. I was kindly invited to stay at the resort’s premier room overlooking the sea and that view will stay with me. The all-inclusive resort is expansive with 422 luxurious guest rooms with private balconies, of which 37 are spacious suites. There are multiple restaurants including the Castle View Restaurants serving amazing steak and seafood. There is also a stunning spa where I was able to relax after days of parties and dancing. And rum, there was so much rum. 

In one precious moment, Wyndham Hotel’s Chef Anissa taught our group how to make Bajan bakes (a delicious yet simple combination of flour, sugar, and water) in the way her grandmother made them for her growing up. I hadn’t had bakes since my grandmother passed away and I loved helping Anissa drop the batter into the hot oil. This recipe is now firmly burned in my brain.

The group and I took an incredible trip on a catamaran and scuba-dived to see marine life, including turtles and stingrays (sadly this island girl’s swimming skills aren’t up to much and I stayed on the boat). We also went to the famous Oistins Fish Fry, where we ate flying fish (Barbados’ national dish) and macaroni pie and watched a very average but hilarious Michael Jackson impersonation. One of my highlights from the trip was waking up at 3 am to make a Mimosa Breakfast Party that started at 5 am. We danced to soca and calypso before most people brushed their teeth in the morning. Here I met Barbados’ trailblazing Prime Minister Mia Mottley. I had admired Mottley’s steadfastness when severing Barbados’ ties with Britain, removing the Queen as head of state to become a republic in 2021. At the time Mottley said the island was fully leaving its colonial past behind and said in a speech, “This is the ultimate statement of confidence in who we are and what we are capable of achieving.” I told Mottley I admired her leadership from afar. She told me to embrace Barbados for everything it has to offer. 

It’s easy to romanticize a place when you’re on holiday and much of Barbados’ difficulties were hidden from the view of tourists like me — but, like anywhere, Barbados is a paradise that isn’t exempt from social and economic issues. I had traveled to the island not long after it was hit by Hurricane Beryl, a category 4 storm said to have caused “heavy damage to fishing infrastructure and assets” along the island’s south and southwest coasts. Speaking to one of the hotel staff about life post-hurricane, he told me with a shrug that preparing for a hurricane such as this was a case of “wait and see” and assessing the situation later. Other Bajans I spoke to told me about needing multiple jobs and having to miss Grand Kadooment Day celebrations because of real-life obligations. I felt I had only scratched the surface of what it is really like to live in Barbados. 

As I sat in the airport and waited for my flight home, I flicked through photos of my ancestral home beaming with a deep sense of joy. I thought about how happy I was to see my gran’s home and the legacy she left us in bricks and mortar. I felt a sense of belonging that I hadn’t felt in years. I also felt a grief I hadn’t felt in years; I mourned for my gran and some of the culture and traditions we lost when she passed. Then my thoughts turned to the home I was returning to in the UK. How the very idea of “home” is so powerful to any individual that it causes the worst among us to become possessive and rabid, marking their territory like wild dogs. Yet, as my British passport was stamped and I flew back to Manchester into what felt like the unknown, I felt armed with the knowledge that home to me is multiple, glorious places; I went back to “my own country” and it was beautiful. 

This article was originally published to Unbothered UK

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The Joy Of Cooking & Caring For My Jamaican Mum

This Windrush Day, I Am Able To Grieve My Gran

My Family's Windrush Story Left Me With Questions

Every day at 2 a.m., Elizabeth* and her parents woke up to commute from Tijuana, Mexico, to her school in San Diego, California. This was her daily routine from grade school until high school graduation. When Elizabeth moved to the U.S. for college and work, her parents expected her to send home remittances. 

At first, she gladly sent any spare money she could from each pay cycle. To her surprise, her parents soon became almost entirely dependent on her. They even expected a cut of the financial aid refund checks she intended to use on food or housing. Now, 13 years later, Elizabeth, 31, continues to be her parents’ main provider. 

“When you’re 18, it’s like, ‘Oh my god, I’m rich.’ To be able to provide for my parents initially gave me a sense of pride, but then it just never stopped. The older I got, the quantities of money just got bigger,” Elizabeth tells Refinery29 Somos. “It has built up a lot of resentment and has gotten in the way of my own family planning, house ownership, retirement, and other financial goals. It’s a sore subject.”

Many Latinas in the U.S. are financially responsible for their relatives. Consequently, many have no choice but to make tough financial decisions, like taking on debt they can’t afford to pay back or using all of their savings on their family, which can delay their own economic progress. A majority of Latinas say they often feel pressure to support their family in some way, whether it’s caring for children or elderly family members, providing financial assistance, or living close to family, according to a 2024 Pew Research Center report. Elizabeth, for example, says her parents resent her for not living in a bigger home that could house them as well, even though her current living space is what she can comfortably afford. 

Talking about personal finances can be taboo in many Latine homes, particularly because of familismo, or the cultural importance Latines place on maintaining strong family loyalty, closeness, and getting along with and contributing to the well-being of the nuclear and extended family. Latines of all financial positions feel this pressure. Even affluent Latines say they feel motivated — and stressed — by the desire to financially provide for their families and make them proud, according to a 2024 Merrill Lynch survey.

Denver-based tech leader and entrepreneur Aimara Rodriguez was 22 when she earned her way to a six-figure salary. But her early 20s brought about difficult moments in which she had to step in and become the full financial provider for family members. As the only daughter and the only one who had a well-paying job, Rodriguez felt like she had to step up: She lent over $50,000 to help her relatives pay off debt; she helped them manage through layoffs; and a few times, she moved in with her siblings to help them afford their rent. 

“I started to equate my value with the financial support I could offer, which deeply influenced my approach to money. I was always bracing for emergencies, often at the expense of spending on things that brought me joy or for goals that I had,” Rodriguez says. “While it has been a profound blessing to support my loved ones, it also involves complexities such as setting boundaries and managing the emotional toll of these responsibilities.”

For Vicky Silva, becoming financially responsible for her mother as a 30-something came as a surprise. As an only child, she always anticipated supporting her mother, but not this soon. 

“It was scary. I’ve never really had to worry about my mistakes because, for the most part, they only affected me. Now, I am much more careful, anxious, scared to make mistakes that will not only affect me but her as well,” Silva says. “It’s an honor to help out my mom as much as I do. She’s the reason why I work hard to earn as much as possible to take care of her and myself.’

Silva has spent the last three years job-hopping to improve her salary to assist her mom. She lovingly supports her mother, but this means she can’t pay off debt, build emergency and sinking funds, or invest in her retirement and brokerage accounts.

“I’ve been wanting to live on my own since I was 21, but due to some hardships both in my life and my mom’s, I haven’t. It made me feel like a failure being in my mid-30s and still not having gotten the chance to move out,” Silva says.

While it hasn’t been easy, Elizabeth, Rodriguez, and Silva each set financial boundaries with their families: Elizabeth directly pays the bills her parents need help with to curb their mismanagement of cash; Rodriguez finally moved out on her own and spoke with her family about the pressure she felt to always come to their rescue; and Silva communicates with her mom about which payments are within her means. 

Balancing Latines’ collectivist money values with America’s individualistic ones of independence, self-reliance, and prioritizing one’s own financial needs can lead to a total culture clash, explains Giovanna González, a financial educator and author of Cultura & Cash. Instead of feeling like you need to choose one cultural norm over the other, González recommends taking a bicultural approach to managing your money, allowing you to adopt or reject what does and doesn’t work for you.

“We broke into corporate America. We’re making stable salaries with benefits. A lot of us are in a better position than our parents or generations before, but we’re also building wealth from the negative. A lot of us have student loans or debt and have no sort of generational wealth to help speed up our progress,” González says. “A lot of us are very close-knit to our families and we want to love and honor and support them, but we matter, too. Our finances matter, too. Many of us don’t have the tools to set financial boundaries in place.”

González, also known as The First Gen Mentor to more than 227,000 followers across social media platforms, has developed a framework called the “First Gen Five,” which consists of five financial pillars that can make the biggest change in your finances as a first-generation wealth-builder. In her book, each chapter helps readers navigate these pillars with their families.

“A lot of us feel indebted to our family because of the sacrifices they’ve made for us, but those were choices that our parents made for us out of love, not for them to come back and collect their debt,” González says. “If you give money out of guilt, pressure, or fear of receiving backlash, know that eventually, with time, you’ll end up resenting those that you love.”

Somos spoke with González about how the five pillars can help ensure you can financially support your family on your terms and without sacrificing your well-being and goals. 

Build an emergency fund.

An emergency fund is a bucket of money you have set aside for unexpected situations like an emergency room visit, a car crash, or a work layoff. You can create a strong emergency fund by setting aside at least three to six months of basic monthly living expenses, ideally in a high-yield savings account. González says building an emergency fund is nonnegotiable because for many first-generation wealth-builders; it’s our first and only safety net. 

If your family looks to you as their safety net, especially in times of emergency, González recommends creating an emergency fund for your family that’s separate from the pool of money you have saved for yourself. Working on building two funds at once might take a while, but it’s ultimately for your security and peace of mind. 

Budget your money.

Instead of looking at budgeting as a restrictive exercise in what you can’t or shouldn’t spend, González recommends looking at your budget as a road map that will bring your financial dreams to life. If you know you have an ongoing need to support your family, include that as a line item in your budget. 

“Whether you’re regularly helping your mom pay for her rent or helping your grandparents pay for the electricity bill, create line items for these in your own budget,” González says. “If you’re paying but aren’t budgeting for these, you’re not accurately capturing the true picture of where your money is going.” 

For other big expenses your family needs your help to cover, create a sinking fund for them. In her book, González gives this example: if you want to save $1,000 for a family emergency or a large expense within a year, divide that number by 12 and make a habit of saving toward that goal each month. 

Manage and pay off debt. 

First, check how much debt you owe and find ways to cut down your spending. This can include cooking more meals at home, canceling subscription services you no longer use, or switching to a cheaper phone plan. Since there’s only so much you can cut down on, González also recommends finding ways to increase your income, whether it’s by asking for a raise at work, job hopping, or picking up a side gig. That extra cash can go toward paying above your minimum payments, which will get you out of debt faster. 

González also notes that taking on debt for family members can be tricky. Before taking out a loan or racking up credit card debt for them, she recommends these three steps: First, understand that taking on large amounts of debt has consequences, such as making you less desirable to lenders if you need to take out your own loan for a purchase like a car or home mortgage. Next, if you decide to loan money, suggest a repayment plan. Lastly, set a boundary if you feel uncomfortable with your family’s asks. As González writes in her book, saying no to taking on debt doesn’t make you a bad daughter or relative. 

Build your and your family’s credit,

Building and maintaining a good credit score is crucial for renting or buying a home, making big purchases like a laptop or car insurance, taking out loans, or determining potential employment eligibility. Using credit cards responsibly and intentionally is the best way to build your own credit, González says. This looks like using your credit cards for just a few spending categories like groceries or gas, only making purchases you can afford to pay in full by the end of the month, and always paying off your statement balances.   

To help your loved ones set themselves up for financial success, González says you can also help them build their credit by adding a trusted, responsible family member as an authorized user to your credit card. Helping them establish credit history will boost their credit score and give them better lending rates in the future. 

Invest your money. 

Investing is crucial for first gens who don’t receive the benefits of generation wealth. Investing in the stock market through 401(k) or 403(b) workplace retirement accounts is the easiest way for first gens to start investing, González notes, but if that’s not available to you, check if you qualify for an individual retirement arrangement (IRAs) like a Roth IRA or traditional IRA and maximize your contributions. These accounts can help lead you to a dignified retirement. 

If you’re responsible for helping your parents figure out their retirement plan, González advises teaching them how to take advantage of any retirement benefits they might have access to in their workplace or helping them open non-workplace retirement accounts like a Roth IRA or traditional IRA. For Latines responsible for younger members of their families, investing in a 529 account for college expenses can help future generations avoid student debt. 

*Editor’s note: Some sources have decided to only share their first name for privacy.

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Living in 2024 means being exposed to a constant stream of micro-trends, internet aesthetics, and viral videos. This month’s latest is TikTok creator Jools Lebron’s satirical spiel about being “very demure” at work, from her makeup choices to her non-revealing top. In less than a month, the video has gained 40-plus million views and spurred social media captions, memes, and brand marketing strategies, with creators applying the buzzword to countless other areas, too. As you would expect, demure fashion quickly made its way onto our TikTok feeds.

While creators’ interpretations of demure outfits vary widely, common factors include minimal separates and feminine silhouettes with added coverage. You’ll see loads of waistcoats — a lot of suits in general — as well as full skirts, high-neck tops, wide-leg jeans, and leather handbags. The trend emphasizes modest dressing and sophisticated basics, which is a far cry from this season’s former leading trend, “brat girl summer,” led by Y2K-inspired hot pants and baby tees.

@queencassi0peia Very demure and mindful outfit inspo #officewear #outfitinspo #ootd ♬ original sound – Jools Lebron

As with most internet-born aesthetics, the demure fashion trend — however tongue-in-cheek — is an opportunity for brands and creators to simply polish an old penny. Before there was a hashtag for it, brands were making a case for the same aesthetic on the autumn 2024 runways. Fashion houses known for bringing crisp, timeless separates to market displayed the epitome of demure, from Balmain’s long, draped skirts and peplum tops to Loewe’s suit jackets and billowing fabrics. The très sophisticated skirt suit was a hit (perhaps inspired by this year of elections), thanks to brands like Marc Jacobs, Tory Burch, and Stine Goya. Meanwhile, Givenchy and Miu Miu’s opera gloves made for the most demure accessory yet.

Lebron’s unserious TikTok has gone much further than anyone could’ve expected. The fashion rental app By Rotation often sees the impact of viral trends like this, according to its founder, Eshita Kabra-Davies. “We’re currently seeing an uptick in the number of searches for ‘demure’ on the By Rotation app, as well as use of the #verydemure and #demure hashtags,” she tells Refinery29. “I see the ‘demure’ trend as incorporating an air of elegance and modesty into everyday dressing, looking more towards soft tailoring and muted colors.” The app now has a curated “demure edit,” featuring brands like Reformation, Oddmuse, and Self-Portrait. 

Kabra-Davies acknowledges that this trend, though popular right now, is nothing new. “We have seen similar aesthetics in ‘quiet luxury’ last year, for example.” Born from the influence of the HBO show Succession and the “old money” aesthetic (see: TikTok’s obsession with looking like a rich housewife), the quiet luxury trend is all about minimalist styling, muted tones, and an aspiration to look sophisticated and wealthy, with or without the luxury labels. 

Demure fashion and quiet luxury are cut from the same cloth — quite literally, considering the same designer brands can be associated with either. Both trends’ emphasis on high necklines, long sleeves and floor-grazing bottoms falls in line with modest fashion, another space that has been around for much longer than either of these trends. Last year, quiet luxury was compared to modest fashion — and rightly criticized for society’s double standards that favor modesty as a trend over modesty as representation. However, the popularity of both trends highlights that modest-wear brands and dressers deserve credit, and respect, where it’s due.  

“The world can learn from this trend that modest fashion is not just about covering up. It’s also a reminder that fashion can and should be diverse and inclusive while still being stylish,” Deborah Latouche, founder of the modest luxury label Sabirah, tells Refinery29. Latouche says the brand’s full-coverage maxi dresses, tailored suits, and high-neck coats — all reminiscent of TikTok’s demure and quiet luxury fashion content — “are intended to inspire confidence and strength.” And perhaps that is the biggest takeaway from all of this “demure this, mindful that” chatter: what you wear is less important than how you feel in it. 

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Whether you’re taking everything from your trusty laptop to your makeup bag to your gym clothes on a multi-hour commute or simply walking from your apartment to your local coffee shop with a notebook and a dream, a good work bag is a non-negotiable. But when it comes to getting all those essentials from place to place, that canvas bag you’ve been lugging your groceries around in may not cut it.

If you’re looking for an upgraded work bag that’s sure to keep all your day-to-day must-haves protected, we’ve got you covered. From chic work tote bags to comfortable backpacks, we’ve rounded up the best of the best, whether you’re headed to work or school. No matter your budget or style, read on for our top picks from R29 reader-favorite brands like Calpak and Quince along with more fashionable picks from Longchamp and MZ Wallace.

Caraa Studio Tote, $318

We love a multitasking tote especially one that’s as chic as Caraa’s Studio Tote that can be carried as a backpack when your arms are sore from arm day. This sleek water-repellant baddie can fit up to a 17″ laptop and has a rollaway shoe compartment for those who don’t have time in their jam-packed schedule to run home before hitting gym (or happy hour).

Cincha The Canvas Go-Tote, $119.99

Made from a water-resistant cotton canvas, the Go-Tote is a great minimalistic looking companion whether you’re traveling to the office or abroad. With multiple compartments, including zippered and mesh pockets you can stash your belongings (including laptops up to 13”) and easily find them secured at any point. The tote boasts top handles and tote straps so you can carry the bag multiple ways. If this bag is too large, you can also opt for the mini version of the Go-Tote weighing in at only 1 lb compared to the regular size at 3 lbs.

Quince Revive Nylon Large Tote, $89.90

This Quince tote bag for work is the perfect blend of spaciousness and sophistication. There are plenty of inner and outer pockets as well as a laptop sleeve for all your essentials. It’s also an eco-friendly option since the nylon was made from recycled water bottles, and the trim on the handles and bottom was made from recycled leather.

Bellroy Tokyo Tote, $129

This Australian brand has once again done it with a great personal item, but instead of a backpack, it’s the Tokyo Tote, which is made of durable, water-resistant recycled fabric with enough compartments to make your head spin. The organization, the space, and the pockets make sure that at the office you will be equipped with (and able to find) everything that you need from your laptop to hand sanitizer. Thank you, Bellroy, and thank you, Australia.

FP Movement Quilted Carryall, $68

This popular slouchy bag will carry you from work to drinks to dinner (or even on a weekend getaway) with its spacious interior space, abundant pockets, and funky quilted exterior. We have seen many Quilted Carryalls in the wild! If this lapis blue is too colorful for you, there are 25 other shades that range from neutral to neon to brighten your day.

MZ Wallace Metro Shoulder Tote, $185

MZ Wallace is loved by multiple R29 editors, and this very tote is carried by Associate Fashion Editor Victoria Montalti to the office. The thoughtful designs are what distinguishes MZ Wallace bags from the rest, this tote in particular is large enough to fit a laptop in but small enough that you won’t feel like you are lugging around a behemoth of a work bag. The tote features six interior compartments as well as a key ring, detachable pouch and zip-top closure.

Béis The Work Tote, $128

You may know Shay Mitchell’s brand for its luggage, but it also makes work-appropriate bags. This tote makes a statement while still being suitable for everyday activities. It’s meant to be worn from work to cocktails without looking out of place, and its removable strap helps achieve that. Never straying too far from travel, Béis added a luggage sleeve to make working on the go easier.

Calpak Luka Expandable Laptop Tote, $115 $97.75

If you’re looking for something more casual, this puffy tote is a fun option. Whether you’re bringing it to the office or taking care of business while traveling, this lightweight bag has multiple pockets, a padded laptop sleeve, and a luggage sleeve. But the most unique part is its expandable bottom, which gives you extra space when you need it and less when you don’t.

Ecosusi Sombre Vintage Briefcase, $82 $74

Vintage-loving girlies, this one’s for you. Ecosusi has the perfect vintage-inspired briefcase that doubles as a backpack or shoulder bag. Made of vegan faux leather, it can fit up to a 15.6″ size laptop along with all your work necessities from keys to notepads and a water bottle. We love the pink but you can also choose from four other cutesy colorways.

Banana Republic Slouchy Vida Bag, $260

If you’re looking for a work bag that reads cool girl style, Banana Republic’s Slouchy Vida Bag is it. Crafted out of soft, pebbled leather, this is the perfect nonchalant work tote to toss your laptop, lip gloss, headphones, and ID in and go — because what more do you need? The timelessness and size of the bag makes sure it easily transitions from a work-friendly tote to a chill evening bag so your outfit is always perfect.

Cuyana System Tote 13-inch, $328

Cuyana literally designed the System Tote to make it easier for you to organize your belongings. Crafted out of super soft pebbled Italian leather, this tote can be customized with organizational accessories like pouches and inserts that can be snapped in whenever you want — including a removable laptop sleeve so you can carry the tote for business from 9-5, then afterward remove any reminder of work for happy hour.

Loeffler Randall Bobby Blue Gingham Pleated Tote, $125

Not everyone needs a big tote for work, sometimes you just need a frilled gingham tote that can carry your journal, iPad, over-the-ear headphones and you’re good to go for a productive day at the office of your choosing. If that sounds like you, you will love Loeffler Randall’s Bobby Blue Gingham Tote, just perfect for those days when you want to work outside in a meadow (in your head), it almost doesn’t feel like any work is happening at all.

Lux & Nyx Origami Tote, $288

Time is money and money is time, so get yourself a bag that can do it all in a sophisticated package. Lux & Nyx’s Origami Tote will take you from the boardroom to lunch and then the airport. With multiple ways to carry it and an expandable design, you can fit all your gadgets and gizmos.

Cariuma JJ Backpack, $89

Who says backpacks have to be boring? This Bordeaux-hued bag from Cariuma looks as unassuming as the Jansports we casually tossed over our shoulders in middle school. But it’s loaded with work-friendly details, like a central compartment that fits laptops ranging from 13 to 17 inches. It’s also a great choice for anyone eager to live a more eco-friendly lifestyle, thanks to the recycled materials it’s made from. 

Longchamp Large Le Pliage Tote, $155

Personally, I love a classic tote, and nothing is more classic than Longchamp’s Le Pliage. From the silhouette to the material to the colors, it’s a chef’s kiss that still packs a punch. Whether you’re a soccer mom in the making or just a carrier of snacks and papers, this bag is a stylish, refined solution.

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According to our anonymous shopping data, Refinery29 readers run to Anthropologie for its summer dresses, office-perfect pants, and (virtual) wedding aisle. But today we dare you to jog on over to the cult-favorite retailer’s furniture and home goods section — mostly because select items are up to 40% off for a limited time only. The prices are slashed and the sale timer is counting down. Top-rated dining chairs, storage cabinets, cozy bedding, and more classic Anthropologie bestsellers are getting the discount treatment (yes, even those iconic monogram mugs). So scroll on — we corralled the best Anthropologie furniture and home deals moseying around its sale section. This limited-time sale rack is truly a rare sight to see.

Best Anthropologie Furniture On Sale

55% Off Leather Hagen Dining Chair, $698 $448.60

Score some of Anthropologie’s bestselling and top-rated furniture finds for less — whether it’s the rave-reviewed comfy dining chairs to upgrade your next dinner party, an elegant vanity desk to store all your makeup, or one-of-a-kind style coffee table.

Best Anthropologie Storage & Organization On Sale

33% Off Sort Joy The Sculpted Bin, $30 $22.50

It never hurts to add some cute home organization to your shopping cart, especially when it’s deeply discounted. According to one Anthropologie reviewer, SortJoy’s felt bins “soften the look [of a closet] and still provide organization.” And while we love practicality, take a peek at the retailer’s more elaborate storage designs for a little extra pizzazz; from golden toilet paper holders to retro-inspired shelving.

Best Anthropologie Home Decor On Sale

33% off Mila Mirror, $798 $598.50

One thing Anthropologie does well, it’s beautiful, unique home decor. Persian style rugs, fall-appropriate pumpkin candles, ornate mirrors, throw pillows… Whatever you’re after, it’s discounted right now.

Best Anthropologie Bedding On Sale

33% off Lustered Velvet Alastair Quilt, $268 $201

As we head into fall, it’s the perfect time to treat yourself to cozy new bedding — especially when it’s in the sale.

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I’ve been invited to a wedding next year that will be gorgeous. It’s along the British coast in a beautiful small town, and we’ll be staying in a quaint hotel. Activities around the wedding involve going for a swim in the sea the morning of the big day, after a night of good food and wine at a nearby pub. I can already picture us all bracing ourselves at the edge of the cold sea, still smiling at the fresh memory of the drunken night before — a night that will have been full of laughter, inside jokes, sharing, and toasts to the couple we’re all there to celebrate. And that’s all before the wedding itself, after which the partying won’t stop until hours beyond all the women have swapped their heels for flats. These friends have the most impeccable taste when it comes to dining experiences and venues, so I’ve no doubt everything is going to be perfect. It’s also all so utterly them. A warm glow came over me just imagining it all.

But I don’t know if I can afford it. My other friends attending the wedding are almost all in serious relationships, so are attending with their partners. I looked up the cost of the hotel room for the two nights, and the price quoted was “pp” (per person), which always means this isn’t the full cost, and the assumption is made that at least two will be in the room. As a single person, I sighed. The cost is out of my reach to foot alone — we’re talking over £300 ($397), not including the cost of a six-hour train journey and taxi to the location. The marrying couple has arranged for single guests to pay the same as couples for one of the nights at the hotel, which is extremely considerate (and to my ears, unheard of). But, the far location from my home means staying two nights is necessary, and it’s the second night’s stay without that deal that bumps up the price significantly. So, I went to Airbnb and other hotels. Though a tad cheaper, they’re still costly without being able to split it with someone. It would also mean not actually being in the venue with everyone else. Plus extra taxi costs. Upon seeing the numbers, I started to wonder if I could financially justify going.

As we move through our 20s and 30s, the decades people typically get married (and we’re on our lowest salaries at the beginnings of our careers), we all know economic power fluctuates between friend groups dramatically. I have friends who earn three times what I do, others double, and some around the same as me or even a little less. In most contexts though, I’m at the lower end of the spectrum compared to friends in very different industries (you don’t go into journalism for a love of money, I’ll tell you that much). It doesn’t become more apparent than at a wedding, fancy birthday meal out, or far flung trip involving four-star hotels. It’s never just about accommodation and travel either, it’s the gift, the outfit, the cabs, the logistical planning of how to get there. Where couples can go halves and help each other out with the actual spending and the effort to organise, single people are left to do it all for themselves. 

I’ve only been to two friends’ weddings so far. One was in London, so it was easy to travel to and inexpensive to attend. I spent less than £10 ($13) on public transport, wore an outfit I already owned, and didn’t need a hotel. The other one was up far north of the country, so involved a £60 ($79.50) train ticket and a hotel for three nights (the hen do was included in this trip, hence the longer stay). Back then, my salary was much lower than it is now, and again the hotel rate was financially intimidating. So, I ended up sharing a room with one of the groomsmen, which brought my hotel cost to under £200 ($265). I’d have preferred to not do this, sharing with someone I hardly knew. Maybe if I’d been on a comfortable salary in a finance role I wouldn’t have been in that situation, or if I’d been further along in my career I’d have had the money to book a room alone without hesitation. 

After a couple of days of thinking about the hotel cost of next year’s wedding, I got lucky. A close friend of mine won’t be attending with her partner this time, so we’ve decided to share a room together. Both of us are grateful for the money we’ll save this way (and for the girly getting-ready-together that’ll happen). But it struck me how much my ability to go has hinged on someone else being willing to split a room with me. After hearing friends older than me complain for years about the cost of weddings and all the events leading up to them, I was like, “I finally get it. This is extortionate.”

Of course, weddings are expensive for us all — for the marrying couple too, no less! But the reality is, the chunkiest expenses can be shared between couples, where they can’t be for single people. Research by Morgan Stanley predicts 45% of women aged between 25 and 44 will be single by 2030. If I don’t shack up with someone soon, this most recent invite has made me truly realise how costly the upcoming decade is going to be. Am I going to have to turn down any future invitations after crunching the numbers? Maybe. That won’t be because I don’t want to go, it will be because I genuinely can’t. Though, declining wedding invites can feel emotionally charged — there are whole Reddit and Mumsnet threads dedicated to whether you can do this and if you’re brave enough, how to. Then there are the threads discussing lost friendships over declining a wedding invite. I really hope when that day likely comes it’s met with understanding, not hostility. Though if I’m wishing for things, a committed partner and a six-figure salary that lets me spend without a care would be great, thanks… We can all dream.

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